A Timeless Place

Chapter 51 - Part II

"Only in darkness can you see the stars." - Martin Luther King

Emotional Masochism and a Glimmer of Light

And that was how Eli walked away from me. The two people I couldn't live without, both gone in less than an hour. She looked at me one last time and shook her head at me in disappointment and sadness before turning her back on me and walking away.

But she hadn't even reached the front door yet before she suddenly stopped and turned around to face me. She cocked her eyebrows up before striding back in front of me and slapping me across the face, hard. I was shell shocked, my mouth agape. I couldn't even formulate any words.

"You were just going to let me walk away?!" she demanded, her eyes wide in incredulity and her voice high with shock. But I could see the fear in her eyes. My eyes stung in response to the shock and pain of the slap.

"What could I do about it?" I finally managed to find my voice.

"Geez, Kitty!" she exclaimed, running her hands through her jet black hair in frustration. "It's just like with your dad and Wes all over again! If you don't want me to leave you, just say it!"

I couldn't help the tears that quickly clouded my eyes and splashed onto my cheeks, running down the sides of my face and dripping off my chin. My face crumpled up as sobs escaped my lips. I felt so utterly helpless.

She wrapped me into her arms, hugging me tightly to her. More tears ran down my cheeks and I hugged Eli back and eventually, my sobs turned into sniffles.

"Please don't leave me, Eli," I whispered. "I'm so sorry. I've been so selfish and self-centred. I really don't know what I'd do without you. So please stay."

"I'm sorry, too, Kitty," she whispered back. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you the way you needed me to be."

"No, no," I quickly refuted. "You are amazing. And you were right- I forced you to not be there for me. I kept it from you and chose to suffer alone."

"So masochistic, Kitty," she rolled her eyes at me.

"I'm being serious, Eli," I continued. "I don't know why I didn't tell you-"

"Because I tend to always make it about myself?" she interjected before I could finish. I shook my head quickly but she smiled knowingly and continued, "I do. When you told me about what had happened with Wes, I immediately related it back to Tyler. I didn't even give you a chance to tell me everything else that happened. And I'm really sorry. If I didn't always make it about myself, and had just been there for you, I would have realised that something else had happened that day, something more than Wes or Tyler. But I didn't."

Before she could say anymore, I put my hands on either side of her shoulders and looked her in the eyes determinedly, "That's crazy, Eli! You honestly don't realise how lucky I am to call you my best friend!"

She laughed and hugged me, "Uh I missed you!"

"Els, we fought for like three seconds!" I chuckled, hugging her back.

"That's still three times longer than any other fight we've ever had!" she retorted defensively.

"I'm sorry for being a crappy friend, Eli," I said softly, hugging her back.

"There's no point arguing about who's been a crappier best friend. We'd be here for a while," we both chuckled.

We stood there for a while in silence, just hugging and enjoying the end of our fight. I learned into Eli gratefully because right now, she was the only thing right in my life. Right now, her tight hug was the only thing preventing me from falling apart and breaking down. I had been selfish, so selfish. What kind of best friend was I? More importantly, I had no idea what luck I'd been blessed with to deserve such a friend like her. Or why I even deserved it.

"I love you, Kitty," Eli whispered, her voice was so soft over the silence of our embrace.

"I love you, too, Eli," I squeezed her. "But you should really be telling Jordan this, not me."

"Not until you tell Wes that," she retorted.

"Do I need to remind you that I caught him kissing someone else," I pulled back to look at her with a raised eyebrow. Had she somehow gotten amnesia in the last five seconds? Did the cheesiness of our embrace turn her brain into mush?

"No, you saw someone kiss him," she corrected. "I think it's time for you to go ask what really happened."

I was shocked into silence at this revelation. Wow, how could I have possible missed that? I was supposed to be the smart, straight A student who had her nose buried in books all the time. But yet I couldn't even widen my mind just enough to allow the possibility that maybe it was all just a misunderstanding. Was I really that narrow-minded to assume things so quickly? Or was I more content with ignorance that a complicated relationship? Wes was right. I had run off at the first signs of hardship. I had let my feelings of hurt blind me so much that I had instantaneously ruined an amazing relationship instead of working through things together.

"And you're supposed to be the smart one," Eli chuckled proudly at herself.

"It took you almost a week to figure this out," I pointed out to her.

"No. You told me you saw them kissing," she said slowly. "Wes told me that Renee kissed him. So, really, it was your interpretation that was misguided."

"Did he also tell you why she kissed him?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Nope," she said. "Just that he pushed her away. So she became angry and told Mase that Wes had kissed her. That's why they broke up and now Mase is after Wes."

"And you believe Wes?" I asked. I gave her a look that implied that I didn't want her to spare my feelings. I wanted the truth.

"Has he ever given us a reason to not believe him?" she responded calmly. "And I'd believe Wes over Rene any day."

"Wow, I really did screw up, then," I hung my head in sadness. I was disappointed in myself, disappointed at having judged Wes so quickly and even more hopeless about the current state of my relationship with him.

"You did," she nodded in agreement. She saw the incredulous look on my face and defended herself, "Well you did! Sorry."

"What should I do?" I said in misery.

"Go talk to him," she said as if this was obvious. "Find out the truth."

"It's too late. He tried to talk to me, multiple times, but I kept lashing out at him every time," the shame forced my eyes down to the ground.

"Then try again," she replied simply.

"The last talk we had was really bad, Eli. You should have seen the way he looked at me. He knew it was over," my heart sank painfully at hearing my own words.

"Then prove him wrong," Eli defiantly continued. Eli knew I was being held back by more than just the reason I gave. I didn't know how to face him now that I've realised I was wrong. I was too ashamed. I couldn't just go up to him and say, "Oh, hey. I know I shouted at you and judged you and didn't trust you and all that. But I'm here now! What did you want to tell me?" Because that'd go down so well.

"How? I highly doubt he will want to talk to me after all I've said to him," Every time I reminded Eli that it was too late to save my relationship, I felt my heart tighten more and more in pain, until it became increasingly difficult for me to breath.

"Then do it in a way he can't say no to," she winked at me. Her eyes twinkled with a mischievous look and I didn't know whether to feel more scared or more excited at what she had in store. But for the first time since Fridays events, I suddenly felt hopeful.