chapter 10

21 3 2
by polarizingruby
by polarizingruby
                                    
                                              Trigger warning

                          Tyler pov
                            What if Josh really meant he didnt like me like that?
  
What if hes just sorry for me 
                          He probably hates me
                          Hes doing this out of pity
                          He doesnt love me
                           I stare at the celing with those thoughts and even scarier ones. I sit up in my bed and look down at Josh who was still asleep. How could he love someone like me? Im a mess up a screw up. He wouldn't miss me. 
                             I get up trying not to wake up Josh. (Brendon and Patrick are still at the others' houses). I walk into the small bathroom with a toilet sink and shower. I open the mirror cabinet. I grab the razor and look down at it in my hands. "Hello there old friend." 
                             I walk and sit at the bottom of the shower floor. I look around. it feels like this bathroom is smaller than it really is. I cant breath. I can breathe. The thoughts are captivating me. 
                          I'm nothing 
                          No one will accept me. 
                          No one will love me
                          Josh doesnt love me he pitys me just like everyone else. 
                           I have to release this pain. I cant let it bottle anymore. I take the razor and take deep breaths. I let it go into my skin. My skin breaks and I can see the line of red follow behind the razor. I can see the redcoats running from their station of which is from inside my wrist. I do it again under the line from before. This makes me think kf high school again. The sadness. the pain. 
  
  I sit there staring at the mess I've made. The blood is running down my arm onto my clothes. I let out a big sob but yank as much of it I can before I woke up Josh. But I was too late. Josh opened up the door. He looked down at me. I was a mess. He was just standing there in complete shock he didnt say anything. I looked up at him. I gasp. 
                          "J-josh" I manage to get out. He closes his mouth and blinks. He turns and grabs all of his stuff and runs out of the door. I fucked up big time. "No" I wispered with a river a tears falling down my face.