Ashes ~ (a TenRose Fanfiction)

A Simple Knock

odd time for me to update, I know. So sorry about that. But I feel ill so woke up (5:30am for me) to write this. Hopefully you won't hate me so much...

~Chapter 22
-Rose's POV

***

We got home, and that was all I had to say about the two month journey out at sea where the three of us only just survived, and managed to get rescued by a fishing boat heading out from the shore. We all got on board and listened to Justin tell them everything that happened. I couldn't even look at them as they spoke, I just want the Doctor back. Hospital was another think all three of us had to face, I was out within three days, but Albany's was so dangerously thin they kept her in on tubes for two weeks. She's okay now though, and is staying in an adoption centre near our flat, so she's able to come and visit every so often. I haven't heard from Justin for a month now, but I imagine he's left London completely, gone off back to America to find people again.
Seeing mum was more emotional than I thought it would be. We'd missed each other so much, and the fact she thought I was dead only made it harder for her. Her arms held me so tightly I swear I could break under her touch, we just hugged and cried for a very long time, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Then I told her everything, and worst of all I had to tell her about the Doctor.
And then came the press, where I could barely speak and in the end left the conference because it all got too much. I wasn't interviewed again after that.

***

I sit alone in the living room, listening to the sound of mums hairdryer coming from her bedroom. It's been a month since we came back, and 3 months since we were last on the island. The cup of tea in my hands is warm, so I take a sip to try and at least increase my positive outlook, but I seem to have a cloud of negativity hanging over my face. I know exactly what he'd say. He'd say, "Come on Rose, just let go. You've got to get out, see the world! I know you love travelling, remember like that time..." And then he'd babble on for at least half an hour about different planets and constellations, but I can't even bare to think of him anymore. I barely register the tear drops gently rolling down my cheek and dropping into my tea, and when I do I put the tea aside and curl into myself again, burying my face in my knees. After a while I turn on the TV, and flick onto BBC1 news. The first thing I hear is "Death of a young man named "The Doctor" makes everyone stand up and remember him for everything he did, the people-" but I can't even watch any more. My heart is beating too hard and I need to regulate my breathing. Just then mums hairdryer switches off and she opens the door to her room.
"Sweet heart, are you..." She notices the tears on my face and comes to sit next to me on the sofa "You thinkin' about him again?"
"Yeah" I say, and wipe away more tears. "Will it ever be okay?"
"Of course it will, I know that from experience" she says, stroking my hair "I was head over heels for your dad, eyes for no one else, so when he died I saw nothing else ahead of me anymore....but I had you" she says "So I carried on"
"But I don't have a baby with him, mum" I say, barely bringing myself to say his name "So what have I got?"
"You've got me, you've got your friends, and you've got Albany and Justin" she says, and strokes my hair "I promise, you'll get through this"
More tears are falling faster now, just the thought of him is sending my mind into some sort of panic attack. Images of him just keep flashing into my mind; him smiling at me from behind the console with that boy-like grin on his face, him sat on top of the rock at the island, waking up and seeing him tangled up with me, and the feeling of his hair through my fingers. It all gets to much and I break down for the millionth time this month. Mum just holds me, her hands rubbing up and down my back, and I feel once more like I'm a young child.

***

Later on I've calmed down a bit, but haven't moved from my spot on the sofa. I know mum wants me to go out, but I know she knows I can't bring myself to just yet. The publicity would be ridiculous anyway, the papers and news programmes following me everywhere. Wanting to catch information to go with their sparkling new headline "Britain's teenage young singer has lost another loved one, did she kill this one off too?" Mums refused to by a paper for ages now, and we barely ever watch the news. Mum comes in then, a cup of tea in hand, and places it on the coffee table.
"This ones for me" she says, "Wasn't sure if you'd want another" she smiles, and I force myself to smile back a little, then resume myself to my deep thoughts and try to keep myself away from that smiling face. Just then there's a knock on the front door, sending me out my reverie.
"Love, can you get that?" Mum says, gesturing to her dressing gown "Don't want the neighbors to see me like this"
I hesitate a moment, before nodding and getting up. I slowly walk to the front door, not really wanting to face anyone right now, especially not one of the neighbors, so I hope the slower I go they'll just go away. But the knocking sounds once again, so I give in and walk over, undoing the latch and opening up the door.

And then I see him.

His best coat, a new suit, same hair, same face.

I can barely breathe, my grip on the door frame turns my fingers white with pressure. I don't take my eyes off him, I can't. I feel the breath in my throat get caught and I can barely breathe. I watch as he makes a move forward, but I step back, and I feel the world start to spin. 

"Rose-" He starts, but just the sound of his voice is too much. I loose my balance, and everything goes black.