Ashes ~ (a TenRose Fanfiction)

Always

Hey shipmates,
I'm so sorry if you hate this or whatever, I've just been on work experience this week and I'm also auditioning for Hairspray the Musical with my new theatre group really soon so I've been crazily busy, so as a result I'm exaughsted. Hope my wiring's not too shabby and you can cope with it ahh.
Ella :))))

~Chapter 23
-Rose's POV

***

Mum is the first person I see, someone's shouting and I see her carry me into my room and place me on the bed. I feel a soft hand on my head and a door shutting, and all I know is I don't want to lie down. I sit straight up, my heart pumping wildly in my chest, tears falling rapidly.
"Mum, I don't-" I say, my whole body shaking with shock.
"Shh" she says, and sits me back on the bed.
"How can he even be..." I trail off, choking on my next words and letting out a whimper.
"It's gonna be okay. Now wait here, will you? I need to sort things out" she says, her voice a little wavering. I watch as she gets up, and leaves the room, shutting the door behind her. I breathe shakily and continue crying, trying to measure myself out. How could she ask me to stay here? After loosing him all I wanna do is...

How can he even be here? 

He died, I saw it. Right in front of me. I held him, I... I shove my face in my pillow and sob, half screaming into the now soaked fabric. But I can't think about it anymore, I curl myself into a ball and let myself let out my emotions to myself.

***
-Jackie's POV

"I don't understand" I say, watching him stood there by the door "Come here right now and tell me how the hell you're alive"
"I want to see her" he says, and tires to curve around me, but I place a firm hand on his shoulder.
"Not yet, not until you give a me an explanation" I say. He sighs, looking behind me longingly at Rose's door, then draws his eyes back to mine.
"It was the regeneration energy, I can explain more later-"
"No. Now" I say, crossing my arms over my chest. "That girl - shes been through hell for the last few months. You owe me, and her, one hell of an explanation" Emotion curses through me and I fight the urge to fly my hand up to meet his cheek. 
"Rose may have said already, but that one time she cut her hand, I had to heal it using up lots of my regeneration energy. So much that I knew I wouldn't be able to regenerate for a whole year. It was due to the fact the TARDIS was gone that using so little energy could cause such a giant effect" he pauses, and I try to soak in everything he's saying "I had to heal Rose otherwise she could've died from infection, and I have a responsibility to look after her" his words make something inside me click and realize how much trust I've put on him since Rose flew away "So I know Rose's probably told you how I died, and I...I lied"
"You what?" I ask, my voice shaking. 

" I did it on purpose. I killed myself to save her" his words make me say to a stand still "I could barely walk, and I knew, no matter what front I put on to Rose or what I said, that my leg and wrist wouldn't heal for a solid year, and we didn't have that time. I would've slowed them down, they would've died if I'd stayed" he says, running his hands over his face and then bowing his head down. 

"Why?" I ask.
"Because I held them up, Jackie. I could barely walk, and me in that raft would've been too much for all three of them. So I told Justin my plan, he didn't want to agree to it, but eventually he gave in and helped me....I killed myself, and it wasn't fake, I did die. But I also knew I would come back to life eventually, my regeneration energy was being kept inside me and eventually came up to wake me back up again...just as help arrived"
"Help arrived? When?"
"It's been all over the news" He says, scratching the back of his head 

"Yeah well we've had it off, haven't we? Upsets her"

"Well, It was a cruise ship that spotted me in the end...I was there for a month"

"By yourself?"
"Yeah"
"Didn't you have to go to hospital after they rescued you?"
"Probably. But I fled as soon as the cruise stopped. It actually finished its destination in France, so I got to nearest boat back to the UK and well, it just went from there really. The TARDIS healed all my wounds as soon as I made it back to her"
"Well what I wanna know is why you didn't just tell Rose your plan. She's been grieving worse than you could imagine, Doctor. If you hadn't of come back I'm pretty sure worse things were to come" I sigh, and wipe a tear which has gently slipped out the corner of my eye.
"I'll always come back to her Jackie, no matter what" he says. I stare up at him and he nods, giving me his word. I realize then we've probably been talking too long, and now he'll just have to repeat himself again.
"She's a complete mess in there, you might want to go in...or maybe I should, or maybe.."
"I'm here" a soft voice comes from behind us, we turn and she's stood peeking round her doorway, listening to our every word. She's red eyed and looking much thinner than before the island, her hair is loose around her face, and no makeup is present anywhere. As for her clothes she's just in joggers and a t-shirt, not feeling the need for anything other than grieving. But now he's back, and no matter how much I hate him right now, I know it's the best news that girl will have until the day she dies.

***
-Rose's POV

I try to regulate my breathing again now his eyes have caught mine. He holds my gaze, and I swallow down my tears, trying with great effort to keep myself emotionally stable. But then I see him break just slightly, his eyes start to glaze over and he sucks in a breath.
"I'm taking you heard all that" he says, his voice wavering and cautious. I can't find any words, nothing. I just stand there with my feet rooted to the ground. I can barely move, and I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs.

"You killed yourself" I say quietly, It comes out more of a statement than the sort of question I'd hoped for. He swallows. 

"I had to" he says.
"You were dead. How were you... I need you, and I can't- I just can't believe you'd do that to yourself, and to me" I say. I watch out the corner of my eye as Mum leaves the corridor and disappears into the kitchen.
"If I hadn't you'd be dead" he says.
"But that cruise ship? I could've...." my voice breaks as the tears fill up again"... just got on that with the others" I say, my voice breaking.
"We were planning to leave anyway, and if you'd left with me none of us would be here. And I know you well enough to say you wouldn't leave without me if I was alive" he says.
"I watched you die" I say, not taking my eyes of him. He pauses a while before speaking.
"I know" his voice is soft. He differs in his feet before meeting his eyes to mine again "Are you okay?"
"No" I say , and fold my arms over my chest.
"I'm sorry" he says. I barely even register his words because I feel the tears start to fall again, like someone's switched on the tap and now it won't stop.
Our eyes lock on together again, but neither of us can see the other due to the glossy layers of tears brimming on the surface of our eyes. "Oh, come here" he finally says. And we move, running at each other with such a force we nearly knock the other out. I'm sobbing into his shoulders now, my nose and eyes burning with the pain from loosing him, my heart throbbing in my chest. He holds me tightly, his hands gripping my back. We don't let go, not for what seems like hours, just hugging and crying and holding. 

I can't find any words, so just stay silent and wipe a tear from my cheek. The tears have slowed now, but my breathing seems to increase when the Doctor looks at me in a way he never has. Slowly, with such care, he leans down, and instinctively I find my head tilting upward. I'm willing him with all my heart to just close that little millimeter gap between us and kiss me. And then I feel a tiny brush of lips on lips, and I freeze underneath him, our lips only just touching, a tiny graze over each other, like two ghosts passing in a hall way. But the moment is immediately broken as the kitchen door flies open, causing us to quickly spring apart.
"It's 11:30pm, I'm going to bed. Don't disappear" Mum says, pointing to the both of us with an extended finger to indenting one of her "warnings". She gives me a strange look before closing the door of her bedroom. Me and the Doctor exchange a glance and then I look down at my feet, embarrassed and confused about what just happened.