I Can't Stop [Niam]

Chapter 4

“So Ni, how are you  feeling?” Liam asked me, sounding genuinely concerned.

Before I could say something, Harry spoke up. “Yeah, why did you punch Liam’s mirror?” Zayn then smacked him upside the head. “Ow, babe! What was that for?” Harry whined out while turning to face him.

“That’s not the issue right now! We’re trying to figure out how Niall’s feeling.” Zayn pointed out.

Louis had to put his two cents in. “I agree with Harry, I would also like to know why he would just punch a mirror.”

“Louis, we would all like to know that, but he will tell us when he’s ready. Let’s just see how he’s holding up right now.

I sighed in frustration and shoved my face into my right hand. My left hand was incased in a bright green cast mood.

They are talking about me like I’m not even in the room.

We had just gotten back from the hospital, it was around 8 now. We’re all sitting on the couches in Liam’s living room and it was silent for about all of ten minutes before the questions started. I knew they were coming, doesn’t mean I want to answer them.

I was on the three person couch along with Liam and Louis. I had scooted to the far head of the couch, trying to put some distance between me and the rest of the lads. Zayn and Harry are on the other couch and even though it is a two person couch, Harry still decided that Zayn’s lap was comfier.

I can feel four sets of eyes on me and someone’s hand was rubbing soothing circles into my back. I didn’t even need to look up to know it was Liam’s hand. I had flinched a bit when I first felt the hand on my back. I was praying he didn’t notice the flitch or just exactly how big I am.

I sighed deeply once more and looked up at each of the boys before staring at the ground again.

“You don’t have to tell us why you did Ni. We just want to know if you are ok.” Liam spoke softly, although I could tell he wants to know why I broke his mirror.

I shook my head. “No, you guys deserve to know. I got angry and I need something to punch, I wasn’t thinking, and I punched the mirror.” I said softly while looking at my feet. Well, it’s not a complete lie.

“Why were you angry?” Harry asked. Crap, I don’t have an answer to that.

“Um, I found out yesterday that I have to g-get a tutor because I’m failing Spanish.” That also is not a complete lie.

“And you got so mad that you decided to punch a mirror?” Louis asked, sounding skeptical.

I shrugged. “I have anger issues.”

They seemed to buy that and I let out a mental sigh of relief. We all slipped into a silence for a bit, all lost in our own thoughts.

Louis broke the silence about ten minutes later. “Hey Niall, can you stand up for a second?” I gave him a confused look, but did as he asked. “Why are you all buddle up? It’s hot in here. And is that Liam’s clothes?”

I forgot it was the middle of September, meaning it’s supposed to be hot out, but I am still terribly cold. I also forgot that I snuck into his room and put on his clothing. Sure he let me borrow some clothes, but it is a little weird that I went through his room to put on even more of his clothing.

I could feel a blush coming up and was about to explain why I was wearing it, but Zayn started talking before I could utter a word. “You know, he looks so adorable buddle up in Liam’s clothing.”

I blushed even harder at his statement. There’s no way he meant that. I probably look bigger than ever in his clothes.

Harry spoke up now. “Yeah, he does look adorable.” Liar.

I looked towards Liam, expecting a look of disgust on his face, but what I saw instead surprised me. He was blushing a bit. He made eye contact with me. “You do look pretty cute Ni. You fill out the clothes really well.”

I froze at his statement. I forgot about the blush on his cheeks. I forgot about all the compliments the others gave. I didn’t hear that he call me cute. All of my focus went to his last statement. I fill out his clothes really well. I knew it. I look huge in this. They all think I’m huge, well I guess they have a right to, I am huge. I don’t want to fill out his clothes; I wanted them to hide my fat. 

I could feel the beginnings of a panic attack coming on and apparently so did Liam.

“Shit, Niall.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me into his lap.

Oh god, I’m probably crushing him. That did nothing to calm me down, in fact, I started panicking some more.

I could hear talking amongst the four lads and several arms rubbing me, trying to calm me down. It was beginning to get overwhelming for me.

They are probably all laughing about how disgusting I am. They are all making fun of how fat I am. How they can’t believe that they were ever friends with someone like me.

I didn’t even know I was thrashing until I felt two strong arms clamp around my waist, pinning my arms down to my sides.

“Don’t touch me! Let me go! Let me go!” I cried out, but the arms never loosened up. I started bawling at this point. I felt this exhaustion coming on.

I can vaguely remember Liam telling me to calm down and that everything is alright before I blacked out.