postcards and Polaroids

Could you love me just a little bit more?

Vic's POV

Three days.

That's how long its been since I've talked to Kellin. Everytime I try he brush's me off or walks away from me. I haven't seen him around much of today or yesterday but when I do my body is filled with regret. He's always wearing his hoodie with the hood up and he has bags under his eyes that get worse everytime I see him. I imagine it would be hard to sleep after the events that took place. He's visibly lost weight and he was small to begin with. He's always walking with that Gerard kid. Or he's being manhandled by some nurse.

I heard from Jack that he snuck a fork in form the café and tried to kill himself at night. I cried when he told me that.

Speaking of not doing so well I haven't ate since the incident. I haven't done anything but mope around this hell Hole. I barley speak at all and if I do its to Jack or Alex. I haven't seen or talked to my brother. I believe they put him in solitary confinement. For what he did I wouldn't blame them for throwing his ass in jail. I don't participate in group therapy anymore. I don't even hand out smart remarks to Margaret. When she calls my name I act as if I didn't hear he at all. I look at the floor, the ground, my hands, or past her. But I never make eye contact anymore. Kellin doesn't show up much for group therapy anymore. And when he does he doesn't sit by me. He doesn't sit by anyone. He pulls his chair out of the circle and sits behind the group.

I'm not sure where all of this left us. If he still considers me his boyfriend or what. I'm scared he wont want me because of what my brother did. But then again I wouldn't blame him.

I've been roaming these halls for hours on end. Trying to get my brain to come up with answers to the questions that bounce around my head.

Will he talk to me? Are we still together? Will we ever be back to normal? Back to how we were before we came to this godforsaken place?

Because I cant speak to him.. Its quite obvious he doesn't want to speak to me. I write him little letters and slid them under his door. I wonder if he gets them and reads them. Or does he just let them pile up because he is too broken to move. I wonder if gets them and tear them up because he doesn't want to read. Or maybe Gerard opens them. Maybe he reads them out loud to Kellin Until he covers his ears because it's becoming too much. Maybe he knows its me writing them and he doesn't read them because of that. I accused him of raping my brother when it was the other way around. All of the possibilities. But somehow I hope he gets the message that I'm in love with him.