Can You Hear My Scream

Stella, 3:30 PM

Stella:

3:30 PM.

    I had gotten home a bit of a while back from that train ride. I finished all my homework and I took a shower. I was just currently scrolling through Instagram. I got 247 likes on my recent picture. I smiled.
   
    I had gotten a mass text a couple of seconds ago from a college girl named Mylesia. Apparently she is holding a party at her place. I really want to go, but I don’t have any good clothes to wear. I tried on a dress.
   
    You look so fat in this dress! Don’t wear it, you’ll make a fool out of yourself! I took off the dress and hung it back up. I opened a cabinet in my bathroom to find my razor blade. I held it in my own two hands and started slashing at my stomach. That’s for being fat. After about a minute, I put my razor blade back and I looked at myself in the mirror. You deserved that. I went out the bathroom door into my room to pick out another outfit.

    I should probably wear something with sleeves since I can’t wear a sweater. It just won’t look good, and I need to hide my cuts. I opened my closet. Hey, this isn’t a dancing party, so maybe I don’t have to wear a dress… I thought as I took out my Harry Potter sweatshirt. It was black with maroon, and it had all the HP houses on them. I smiled. Dark colors make you appear thinner. The colors that make you look the most thin are dark blue, maroon, and black. I opened my drawer to get a pair of shorts and a pair of jeans. I walked back into my bathroom.

    I put on my sweatshirt. I turned to the side, smiling. I almost look as good as that girl Lyra! I put on the pair or jeans. I immediately frowned. My thighs looked so fat. I knew the drill. I took off my jeans and got my razor blade again. I couldn’t stop no matter how much I wanted too. I cried, cried as the blade split my skin, cried as the blood came spilling out, cried as I ran water to sting my skin. I wiped up my thighs and put on my shorts. To my surprise, I looked better than I thought I would.

    Wow. You actually look kind of, kind of good… I had tears spilling from my cheeks while smiling. I took out my phone. I might as well take another picture, post it on instagram, make a musical.ly, take a snapchat, and do all that social media stuff. The more I’m fake, the more people don’t suspect the real, depressed me.

    I put my phone to charge for a bit and I continued to read the book I read last night, The Fifth Wave. I was going to leave to go the party soon, but I wanted to relax myself for a little while, to break in the feel of the new cuts I have.