Dark Angel

Chapter 20

I finally finish getting ready for my date with Jase and sit up atop my platform. I’m so glad things are finally going right. I haven’t cut since the night before Jase and I started dating, and I don’t want to cut anymore. Everything is going so perfectly. He even gave me his black sweatshirt with the white skull and crossbones on it yesterday to keep and wear and remind me of him.

There’s just one problem. I’m so bored. Jase was supposed to be here awhile ago. I know he’s just late to piss me off. I mean, why else would he keep me waiting? This is supposed to be our first date, and apparently he’s been waiting for this forever. Since we were in sixth grade, I’ve heard.

I page through a magazine but don’t really soak anything in. I can’t get over how late he is. It’s really bothering me. I just want to go hang out with my best friend/boyfriend and have a great time.

I crank up the music a little more. I’m listening to our song, Here In Your Arms by Hellogoodbye, when the phone rings. Must be Jase calling to explain why he’s so late. I’m not sure why he didn’t just call my cell, but whatever.

A minute later, my mom’s footsteps come rushing up the stairs. She bursts through the door without even knocking. Thanks, mom. I appreciate the privacy. What if I had been naked or something?

“Hey, was that Jase calling to explain why he’s so late?” I ask. My mom doesn’t exactly know how to respond to the question.

“Honey,” she says quietly and climbs the ladder to my platform. She sits on the couch next to me. “That was Jase’s mom. There was an accident on their road because a drunk driver hit someone else at the intersection. She went down to see what had happened.”

So Jase is late because he got stuck in traffic? Why didn’t he just call me to let me know?

“She asked the police what had happened. Sweetie, they found Jase’s car with the windshield smashed and his body was on the road in front of his car.”

OMIGOD! JASE WAS IN AN ACCIDENT! I HAVE TO GO SEE HIM AND MAKE SURE HE’S ALRIGHT!

“OH MY GOD! MOM, IS HE ALL RIGHT?!”

My mom has a few tears slipping out of her eyes.

“Honey, his body. They found his body.”

It takes a minute to register. They didn’t find him, they found his body. WHAT?!

“W-what?”

“Devin, I’m so sorry. Jase was killed in the accident.”

My mom tries to hold back her tears. Fuck that. I’m fucking bawling. Instead of staying around to hear anything, I have to see this for myself. I practically jump off my platform and nearly sprain my ankle in the landing, but I bolt down the stairs and out the door. I’m sprinting to his street which is only a few blocks away. I can see the police lights. Shit. No. No this isn’t happening. NO!

I come to a stop when a police officer holds me back. I can see Jase’s mom crying off on the other side of the intersection. And there. Right there. People are cleaning up Jase’s smashed up dark blue Honda Civic. I just rode in it yesterday! NO! He was just injured and they took him to the hospital.

My vision locks on the blood on the pavement. There’s a lot of it. And then there’s a man being loaded into an ambulance. My mind tells me that’s Jase. It has to be. It just does.

Against police orders, I run around the intersection towards the ambulance. I can see the man and it’s not Jase. IT’S THE FUCKING DRUNK DRIVER THAT HIT HIM. I FUCKING HATE THAT SON OF A BITCH. I FUCKING HATE THAT GODDAMN SON OF A BITCH!!!

“Is that the drunk driver from this accident?” I ask the people loading him into the ambulance.

“Yeah,” one of them answers though seems confused as to how I even got there. That’s it for me. HE GOT TO SURVIVE?! THE DUMBASS THAT WAS DRIVING DRUNK GETS TO SURVIVE WHILE MY COMPLETELY INNOCENT BOYFRIEND WHO HAS BEEN MY CLOSEST FRIEND FOR 11 YEARS HAS BEEN KILLED?!

“I FUCKING HATE YOU!” I scream at the man inside the ambulance. I don’t even know if he’s conscious or will remember my screams or will be able to register how much of how many people’s lives he has just destroyed. But I keep screaming while the two paramedics are trying to calm me down and subdue me.

“I FUCKING HATE YOU YOU DUMBASS SON OF A BITCH! YOU KILLED HIM! YOU KILLED JASE! YOU KILLED MY CLOSEST FRIEND AND THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS BEEN KEEPING ME ALIVE SINCE MY EX-BOYFRIEND STARTED ABUSING ME! I’VE KNOWN HIM FOR 11 YEARS AND YOU FUCKING MURDERED HIM! IT SHOULD’VE BEEN YOU! YOU SHOULD’VE BEEN THE ONE TO DIE YOU FUCKING BASTARD! IT SHOULD’VE BEEN YOU!”

They manage to pull me away. I’m kicking and fighting, but it doesn’t matter. They’ve got me.

“Miss,” they try to tell me. I’m blocking them out. I’m crying too hard. I can’t believe Jase is dead. This can’t be happening. Jase didn’t die, I just know it.

When they’re not expecting it, I break free and run over to Jase’s mom. She looks up and sees me. We don’t even say anything; we just throw our arms around each other and start bawling.

“Mrs. Liecenie, h-he can’t be dead,” I spit out past the river that’s rushing out of my eyes.

“That’s what I thought too. Devin, I saw him. I saw him laying there in that pool of blood on the road.”

I turn around and scream how much I fucking hate the driver towards the ambulance again, but Mrs. Liecenie turns me back towards her in an attempt to calm me down.

“Devin, screaming obscenities toward the drunk man in the ambulance isn’t going to help anyone.”

I nod my head and attempt to wipe the tears that are falling from my eyes. Fuck it. It’s not going to work anyways. Each tear I wipe away is only going to be replaced by a bigger, wetter, more depressed one. It’s easiest just to let them go.

Oh my god, how could this have happened? Jase is an amazing driver! Why would someone be drunk driving at five in the afternoon? It’s too early for drunks! And that blood on the pavement! I’m never going to be able to go past this intersection again without seeing that pool of blood there whether or not it’s gone. That’s Jase’s blood! The blood of the boy that I met when I was five! The blood of the boy that I grew so close to and became the best of friends with! The blood of the boy that fell in love with me, I fell in love with, had sex with just two days ago, and kept me alive during the entire time that Hunter abused me and I was cutting! So much for everything going right! I’m about to go cut the fuck out of my arm again now!

“Mrs. Liecenie, I, uh, I have to go,” I sob out. I don’t wait for her to respond. I sprint across the intersection and back down the road towards my house. This can’t be happening. I don’t understand how things could be perfect for three days and then suddenly turn worse than they had been before. Life is a bitch! It just loves watching me suffer through tormenting pain. I used to be happy. Ever since I started dating Hunter everything has sucked. Then, things finally start looking up and something even worse happens! Life is a cruel bitch! A CRUEL, SICK BITCH THAT LIKES PLAYING THESE RIDICULOUS JOKES ON ME. WELL, GUESS WHAT, LIFE? I’M DONE WITH YOU! I DON’T NEED YOU PLAYING ANYMORE OF YOUR LITTLE GAMES WITH ME! I’M FINALLY GOING TO DEPART FROM YOU.

I crash into my room and slam the door shut. Then I lock it and hold my razor to my arm, ready to kill that bitch we call life.