Dark Angel

Chapter 21

Okay. So I haven’t split from that cruel bitch yet. The only reason is because with Jase being dead, I have to honor him somehow. He was my closest friend and I can’t just leave without giving him the memory he deserves. What kind of friend would I be if I did that? So, I have to think of something to honor him.

I’m not exactly sure where I want to go with this yet. I just know it has to be something huge. It has to grab people’s attention so they’ll always have it somewhere in their minds. Then the name Jase Liecenie will be stuck to the memory, and boom, Jase will be forever in people’s minds. I could care less if they remember my name. I was Devin Angelina Munroe. The girl who maybe had a bright future, but things ended up destroyed her sophomore year and her impression on the world turned into the emo cutter bitch. What world needs that impression? Jase was the most amazing guy, though. He deserves to be remembered.

I need something that I can do myself easily enough that will be huge. I can’t do something like fireworks or the freaking monument Jase deserves. I need something that I can actually do that will be big enough for people to have the impression in their mind for as long as possible.

If there’s one thing that people have paid attention to about me, it’s been the cutting. They all call me the emo cutter bitch. How can I capitalize on that, though? Then it hits me. I sneak down to my mom’s craft room and grab what I need. Then I lock myself back up in my room.

I take the craft knife and start to cut into my skin. It hurts like a mofo, but I’m used to it by now. Besides, this is my tribute to my deceased best friend before I go down. He was my closest friend for eleven years, and now no one can look at me without remembering Jase. I’ll go to school like this tomorrow just to remind everyone of Jase before I’m gone.

I start on my left forearm. I do it on the top so that I don’t cut my main arteries. I carefully carve the words “I miss you Jase” into my skin. It starts bleeding, but now those words will forever be a part of my scarred skin. On my right forearm, I carve “I love you Jase”. Then I move on to my stomach. That’s where I carve “Jase Liecenie… the most amazing friend I’ve ever had.” On my left thigh “Too soon for you… 5/1/11”. On my right thigh “I’ve missed you every day Jase”. Both of my feet I carve “Jase+Devin”. The left foot receives the words “best friends” underneath, and the right foot receives “perfect lovers”. I know Jase will never see it, but I know if he could he’d first be royally pissed at how much I just cut myself, and he’d probably be crying from the things I’ve written. Not out of despair, but the fact that apparently I really like him too. I still don’t know where that came from. So, happiness, I guess. You know, if Jase ever cried. Like I’m doing right now thinking about how I’ll never see him again. It’s okay. Soon enough no one will ever see me again.

I go shower which hurts even worse because the pain from my wounds being covered in water and soap is so intense. But it cleans off the blood until it stops, and I’m left with clean cuts that read my words in dark red clotted blood.

When I wake up the next morning I get myself ready for school the same way I do every morning. Only this time I put on shorts and a t-shirt and cover them with sweat pants and Jase’s black skull and cross bones sweatshirt. I don’t put on socks, just a pair of sneakers.

I write “I miss you Jase” on my right cheek in eyeliner before leaving. I have to take the bus, but in the afternoon I’m just going to run. I’ll run to Rutter’s—the local gas station and convenience store—and get everything I’m going to need.

When I walk into school everyone stares at my cheek. I’m pretty sure barely any of them have heard the news that Jase died last night. I’m sure they’ll all be even more shocked when they realize tomorrow that I’ve died, too.