This Charming Life [Tig Trager] [Book Two]

XI. Ashes

White smoke curled into the pastel colours of the sky as the sun began to rise. It looked like the day would be clear, sunny - even the wind didn't dare blow. It was like the air around me knew what I had lost. The charred remains of our home formed a bleak picture against the scenic backdrop.

Firefighters continued to roam around the ruins - I presumed they were searching for whatever was left of my wife. My beautiful wife. My eyes burned as they tried to produce more tears. But they couldn't. Tears had slipped down my face all night, whether in silent horror or sobbing in anger and pain. Gemma had arrived a short while after the building collapsed, with tears in her eyes she had said she would take Braxton to her house and look after him for me. I had clung to the little boy, unwilling to release him. It was only after being calmed by Gemma and Bobby for several minutes that I relented. He didn't need to see the tragic scene before me. As soon as Gemma's car was out of view every wall I had came crumbling down. Falling to my knees as my body shook violently with anguished sobs. My tears had dried not long before the sun came up and now I was in a horrible state of numbness. I just stared, dazed at what had been my dream.

"Tig" the gentle voice broke through the fog that swirled in my mind. I looked up to see Tara stood in front of me. Tears threatening to fall from her eyes, "I think you should come to Gemma's with me" her voice again was soft, "It won't do you any good staying here. Come and wait for news. Sheriff Roosevelt is here. He said he would handle it personally"

"I-I I can't go. I can't leave her" my voice was strained and desperate.

"You don't need to see that Tig" she shook her head as she knelt down to my level and placed a hand on my shoulder, "She - she won't look the same. You should remember her as she was" the tears had finally escaped her eyes as she tried to reason with me, "That's what she'd want. She wouldn't want you to see her like that" Soon Tara's tears were joined by my own, my eyes stinging at the force behind every tear.

It took Tara almost half an hour to remove me from the scene. The ride back to Gemma's in the cutlass was silent. At least the atmosphere was. Thoughts raged through my head, voices loudly rattling around as my brain tried to make sense of what had happened. A dull pain began behind my eyes as the voices talked over one another as I struggled to map my thoughts into one understandable train. But each time I'd start to get there even more thoughts would slip into my mind. The boys had all followed Tara and I from the scene. Ratboy driving the van to collect my bike.

Walking into Gemma's house was a hollowing experience. As I looked around the kitchen, through to the dining table it was like I could see the last time I had seen Anya. The concern on her face as she held an ill-tempered Braxton in her arms. The smile on her face when she had told me to stay - that she would take Braxton home. Why had I let her go alone? Why didn't I just go home with her? The pain doubled when Gemma appeared, the handsome little boy that Anya had given me wrapped in her arms. Braxton's cute little face was scrunched up into a scowl until he laid eyes on me. He gave a pathetic cry as he reached his little arms out towards me. I took the little boy tightly in my arms before heading into Gemma's garden without saying a word to anyone. Anya loved our garden. She had spent a lot of time gardening with Bobby when they first met and she had taken it up herself once she had her own garden. When I arrived home from work I usually found Anya and Braxton either sprawled on the front lawn or playing in the garden. I sat down on the grass, placing Braxton in front of me. Looking at the grass intently he grabbed a few blades and pulled them up, giggling as he held them in his hand, before rolling onto his back to play with them. The simple action brought so much joy to the boys face. I wish I could be so oblivious to today's events. I'd have to explain it to him one day. What had happened to his mother. Would he even remember her? I doubted it. Which made the whole thing even more painful. Anya loved Braxton fiercely, and to think that he wouldn't remember the way her smile lit up whenever she saw him, or the gentle care she gave him was heartbreaking.