Dependency // l.tomlinson *Completed*

08. Radley

08. Radley

I was in the kitchen, making lunch for Louis and myself.

I had no idea what was happening with us for the past two weeks since that kiss but I liked where it was going. The touches, the sweet nothings that were whispered, the little kisses. None were meant to lead to any sexual intimacy and we had a mutual understanding of that. It was all meant to show care and maybe even love; at least from my end.

I felt a pair of strong hands grasp onto my waist and soft, warm lips attach to the skin that connected my jaw to my neck.

"Hello, love." He whispered.

"Hi." I squeaked.

"That smells really good."

"Thanks."

He spun me around and pressed a kiss to my lips, "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," I shook my head, "everything seems a bit off for some reason. I feel as I'm forgetting something really important."

"Did you have work or some meeting to attend?"

"I don't think so."

"How about we eat this lovely lunch you've prepared? Hopefully something we talk about will trigger your memory."

"I like that idea." I said, smiling at the British boy.

We took a seat at the dining table and started up a conversation about anything and everything.

"You'll be leaving soon." I finally brought up the topic that made my heart shatter into a million pieces.

"Yeah, I know," he looked at his glass of water before looking at me, "I don't want to leave you. I'll really miss you."

"I'm going to miss you, too but we have to try and hang out when I move out there, okay? I won't let you forget me that easily."

"You're not going to be easy to forget, babe. Trust me."

We were quiet for a moment before Louis spoke up again.

"I talked to management today. I will barely have any time to myself when I get back. We need to start working on a new album and also brainstorm for a tour next year. Which means..."

"Which means that even if we have some sort of contact, we won't be able to see each other." I finished for him.

"Yeah." He said, sadly.

"I guess that's okay. You've got a job to do. You've got people waiting for you to get better and to get out there again."

"The thing is that I don't think it's okay at all. I need to be able to see you everyday. I need to be able to check on you to make sure you're doing okay. Gosh, I need to be able to kiss those lips everyday. I can't just end this like it never happened."

I reached over the table and grabbed his hand, "We will figure something out. Come on, lets distract you. I don't want you worrying about this."

He huffed and muttered to himself, "How can I not worry about this?"

"Tell me about your friends." I asked.

"Um, well, I have four best mates. Zayn, Liam, Harry, and Niall," he shrugged, rubbing the pad of his thumb over my knuckles, "Zayn has this bad boy image he wants to maintain but he's actually really nice and he listens to you when you need to vent about things, which also comes with the best advice. He always has a quote for everyday. Doesn't start the day if he doesn't recite the damn thing. He very poetic that way, I guess. Liam had been through a lot as a kid and as a teenager. He was bullied a lot but he is the sweetest person you will ever meet. Won't ever hurt a fly. He actually apologizes to inanimate objects after bumping into them. Harry and Niall- as you already know- are dating. They came out seven months ago, today. People thought Larry- as in Harry and I- were a real thing until the announcement. It shut everyone up."

"I bet you miss them."

"I'll be seeing them soon but I'll be seeing Harry and Niall sooner. Like, five more days until you finally meet two of my loser friends."

"Five days?" I knitted my eyebrow together, "The twentieth is in five days?"

"Yes. Why? I can ask them to postpone the ticket, if you'd like?"

"No, don't do that," I whispered, "today is the fifteenth?"

"I think so; if my simple math is correct." He chuckled.

My vision started to blur. I can't believe I forgot.

"Fuck." Louis muttered, coming around the table to kneel beside me, "I'm sorry if that came out rude and sarcastic."

"No, it's not you. How could I forget? I never forget. How did I let this happen?" I whispered to myself.

"What happened? What did you forget?"

I looked right into his eyes and completely broke, "It's my brother's sixth death anniversary. I can't believe I forgot."

I felt Louis tense up.

"I promised myself to visit his grave every year- for the rest of my life- on this day. I am so stupid."

"Hey, shh," Louis whispered, soothingly, "you're not stupid. You've got so much on your plate already. I bet he won't mind of you go a bit late today. It's still only one in the afternoon. I can drive you out to the cemetery."

"Why are you so perfect?" I sobbed.

"I'm not. Just being myself, is all," he shrugged, "okay, get up and put on a coat."

I nodded and walked to the coat closet with my shoulders slumped.

I met Louis at the door and he kissed my forehead, "Would you like to stop at the flower shop and pick up some roses?"

"Yes, please." I followed him to the car but was hesitant to ask him the question that was sitting on the tip of my tongue.

"It seems as if you'd like to say something to me, darling. What is it?"

I bowed my head, "Do you think I should stop to see my parents, too? I mean, I am their daughter but they blamed me for Josh's death. Well, at least my mom did; dad was always quiet around me. Her last words to me were that they hated me and I don't think she'd like to see me."

We got in the car and Louis pulled me in for a hug, "Did you and do you still love them?"

"Of course," my voice cracked as fresh tears spilled out of my eyes, "they're my mom and dad. I can't hate them. Ever."

"Well, there you go. They can't stop you for loving them nor can they stop you from seeing them. We'll buy flowers for them, too. Okay?"

I nodded and gave him a weak smile.

He pulled up in front of a flower shop and I got out to buy three bouquets of white roses. He insisted that I take cash from him but I politely turned him down.

After getting back into the car, I directed him to the cemetery. The parking lot was nearly empty when we got there.

"Louis?" I whispered.

"Yes, love?"

"Will you come with me?"

He grabbed my hand and gave it a lingering kiss, "Of course I will."

We got out and I grabbed his hand for support.

"You'll be okay, love. I'll be your shoulder to cry on." Louis whispered.

I started walking down the familiar stone path that led to where my parents graves were. They were separate from my brother, Josh's, grave because he passed three years prior to my parents.

I let go of Louis' hand and kneeled down in front their headstones. He stepped a few feet away to give me some privacy.

"Hi, mom and dad," I choked, "I miss you. I'm sorry I wasn't the ideal daughter but I want you to know that I love you two very much; even if you stopped loving me. Everyday isn't the same without you two. I just wish I could've changed your thoughts on me and have you not hate me before you left. I really miss you; your hugs, your kisses, and gosh, hearing you to whisper cute things to each other. I love you."

"Mr and Mrs Davenport." I heard Louis say from beside me. I didn't realize he was sitting with me, "It is an honour to finally meet you. Radley is a beautiful woman. You raised her well. She doesn't go a day without thinking about you. I'm Louis; quite possibly the luckiest guy in the world because I met her. Sleep tight, Mr and Mrs Davenport. You've left your daughter in good hands."

I smiled up at him and leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek, "You're perfect."

He helped me off the damp grass and hugged me tightly, "The only perfect person here is you, Rad. Come on. Lets go see Josh."

I entwined our fingers once again and led him over to the centre of the cemetery.

"This is it." I mumbled, kneeling down.

"I'll stand over there, alright? Wave me over so I know it's okay for me to meet him." Louis whispered and walked a good distance away.

"Hey, big brother. How's it going? I miss you like crazy. I'm sorry I got here so late. I didn't mean to forget, I really didn't. I've just got so much going on. Maybe you know because you've become my guardian angel. I ended things with Caleb. I knew you would've hated him the day you found out that he was abusive. He use to be nice but I know that if you gave him that one look, he'd start squirming in his shoes and never dare to touch me the way he did. He'd be so scared of you but he'd never know that you're the biggest teddy bear ever. So sweet and so cuddly," I wiped away a few tears, "sorry. I know how much you hate it when I cry but how can I not? I miss you, Josh. You've been gone for so long and for good but I don't wanna believe it. I still wait for you to walk past me and nudge me. I want to hug you and smell that god awful cologne you always wore. I would do anything to have you here and I in your place. You deserve to be here. If you were here, mom and dad would still be here. It wouldn't have made a difference if I was gone. You were always the favourite. You still are. I really miss you and I love you so much. That is why I want to introduce you to Louis. He saved my life, Josh, and I think I love him."

I looked over at Louis and waved at him while I wiped my eyes. He jogged over and kneeled next to me.

"Josh, this is Louis."

"Hello, Josh. It is nice to meet you," Louis smiled, "you've got a lovely sister."

"I told him about how you saved me from making the biggest mistake of my life."

"I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I let her make that stupid jump. I just want you to know- like I told your parents- that she's in good hands now. I'll take care of her. But I won't mind if you keep an eye on me. After all, you are her brother."

I smiled at Louis' words. We sat in front of his head stone in complete silence before Louis spoke.

"Would you be bothered if I asked you what happened?" He asked, nervously.

I took a deep breath, "He had leukaemia that lead to a DVT; which stands for deep vein thrombosis. He pretty much had a giant blood clot travel to his brain."


~Flashback~

"Come on, come on." I muttered under my breath, "Ring you stupid bell."

I was in History- last period of the day- and this bell didn't want to ring. I needed to get out of here so that I could go see Josh in the hospital.

His days were numbered and I wanted to put good use to our time left together.

The bell finally rang I sprinted out of the classroom and towards my locker. I shoved the binders and textbooks I needed into my bag and quickly put on my winter coat.

I made it just in time to catch the bus that went straight to the hospital.

I took the elevator up to the floor where Josh was located. I saw my parents outside his room, talking to the oncologist. They looked at me and smiled.

"Hey, sweetheart. How was school today?" My dad asked.

"It was okay. I got my math and history tests back. I only got three questions on each test wrong. Do you wanna see?" I asked as I reached into the outside pocket of my bag.

"Um, not today, Radley. We're a bit tired." My mom added.

I understood that being here all day was tiring but I couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry," I whispered, "daddy? Could you buy me some cafeteria food? I forgot to take my lunch to school and I didn't have money to pick up anything. I'm actually so starving."

"Radley, sweetie, I said we were tired. Why don't you just go say hello to your brother and then quickly go down to buy something?" Mom grumbled.

"I'm just a bit hungry and I don't want to waste time." I whispered.

"No, it's okay. Chicken sandwich or tuna?" Dad smiled.

"You've spoiled her so much. Gosh, you're fifteen. Grow up and do things for yourself already." My mom yelled, walking away.

"Sorry," I shrunk in my spot, "it's okay, daddy. I might have a granola bar or some gum. It's not a problem. You two should get some rest, I'll take care of him."

"She's just stressed," he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead, "I'll surprise you, okay? Not eating isn't healthy. Especially for a beautiful, growing young lady."

"Thanks, dad. I love you."

"Love you, too, sweetie." He smiled and turned to go to the elevator.

I lightly knocked on the door my older brother was behind and waited for permission to go in.

"Rad," he called out, "why do you always knock?"

I smirked and pushed open the door, "I feel as if I'm invading your privacy if I don't."

"Shut up and come give me a hug!" He was already sitting up with open arms. I dropped my bag and took off my coat before biting myself into his chest, "I literally wait for you all day because you give the best hugs."

I giggled and pulled back, "How are you feeling?"

"Sick."

My lips pressed into a straight line, "Sorry. Stupid question."

"Nah, I'm just messing with you. I feel tired."

"Oh, um, I can come back later if you'd like to sleep. I don't want to be even more of a bother."

"You're staying here, alright? You being here with me is the only thing keeping me from completely losing it," he muttered, "and what do you mean by 'even more of a bother'?"

"I wanted to show them the results of my two tests but mom said that they're too tired to look at anything. I also asked dad to get me something from the cafeteria because I forgot to take my lunch to school and I didn't have enough money to pick something up but mom totally flipped. I was told to grow up and do things for myself."

"Don't you dare grow up. I want you to stay the way you are. Look at me, eighteen and I have the last stage of leukaemia. I had to grow way to fast for my liking. I want you stay you; playful and young and beautiful, inside and out." He looked at me with a sincere smile on his face.

"I can try." I shrugged. Dad came in to give me my sandwich and a bottle of orange juice. I mumbled a quick 'thank you' and started eating, "Sorry. I'm starving."

"No worries! You're adorable when you're stuffing your face!" He laughed, "And about these tests? Was it the math and history tests you were studying for?"

"Yeah!"

"How'd you do?"

"You can see for yourself!" I went to my bag and pulled out the two test booklets.

"Whoa! If my math is correct, you got at least ninety-percent on these."

"Ninety-two." I smiled.

"Wow, Radley. I am so proud of you."

"Thanks. I would've done better if Hitler would explain stuff properly. I swear to god, Mrs Parker is the worst math teacher in the world."

"You call her Hitler?" Josh asked, eyebrows raised.

"I know it's means but still..."

"No! I think it's hilarious because when I was in high school, my friends and I called her that all the time!" He started to laugh his bubbly laugh.

I joined him and soon the whole room was filled with laughter. Until his laughing turned into coughing. He began to go red in the face and I started to panic.

"Mom! Dad! Someone come in here!" I yelled, tears spilling out of my eyes.

"I love you, baby sis. I'll see you on the other side when it's time." He managed to sputter out between coughs.

My mom pulled me back while the doctor checked my brother.

"What the hell did you do to him?" She yelled, "God! Why are you so stupid? Don't you know anything?"

"Isabelle, I think this is it." My dad muttered, "It's time to say goodbye."

My mom pushed me and went to my barely breathing brother.

I stood there and watched. I didn't mean to make him laugh so hard. I just wanted to make him happy.

The consistent beep of the heart monitor turned into one long beep and I knew that Josh was no longer with us anymore.

Mom's broken sobs soon subsided and she turned around to look at me.

"This is all your fault." She said with poison in her voice.

"What? How? I didn't do anything. Why are you blaming me?"

"You've always been so jealous of him."

"You think I killed my own brother?" My voice cracked.

"I hate you, Radley. You're dead to me."

"Mom..." I whimpered.

She stormed out of the room and I looked at my father, "Dad?"

He just shook his head and followed my mother.

The doctor came up to me and put his hand on my shoulder, "You didn't kill him. He had a blood clot that travelled to his brain. It wasn't your fault. I will go tell your parents. Hang tight, little girl."

"I'm sorry, Josh." I whispered.

~Present~


"Wow," Louis breathed out, "I really don't know how to respond to that story."

I shrugged, "It's alright."

"I'm just so sorry you had to go through that, darling. I wouldn't have been able to be as strong as you were and still are."

"A person can only be strong for a certain extent," I took a deep breath and leaned over to kiss the headstone, "I'm moving to London because Aunt Clara said I could stay with her and El. I promise to come back every year to see you on this day, Josh. I love you so much. Bye, big brother. "

Louis grabbed my hand and we walked silently back to the car. Before he opened the door for me, I grabbed him by the arm and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you for bringing me and being so sweet to my family and listening to what happened with my brother."

"Anything for you, Radley. I don't want you to feel as if no one cares about you because I do. I really, really care about you."

I nodded and tip-toed to kiss him softy, "Thank you, Louis. I care about you just as much; possibly even more."

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Did this chapter make you all sad? Because it made me sad while writing it. Um, there are only a few chapters left that are set in New York and then after that, it's all about the London life!

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