A beating heart

Chapter 13

13.

„I ... I killed him, Mary."

„I killed him, I killed my own father." the words still rang in her head, and she need to sit down, her feet collapsing beneath her.

The white of her knuckles was shining through her skin, her fingers clutching the arm rest, her belly suddenly seeming too heavy, crushing her lungs beneath it's weight. She desperately tried to suck in air, her throat rebelling with every breath.

Her thoughts were spinning and at the same time her mind felt numb, completely blank, like the eye of the storm.

Bash was pacing before her, his movements manic, his face buried in his hands. He must have felt her gaze, as he halted and turned towards her. She averted her eyes instantly, not yet daring to face him.

„Please Mary, say something." there was an audible tremble in his voice and the hollowness of his words scared her.

„I ... I can't, how ... how did it happen?" it was a whisper and she was not even sure if Bash had heard her.

He had turned away once more, facing the glistening lake outside the window. She could see his chest heaving, his internal fight manifesting in balled fists and a clenched jaw. The silence grew heavy on the room, threatening to crush them both beneath it's massive weight.

„I just wanted to talk to him, make him see." the broken sound of his voice made her flinch. „We were in the hidden passage way, and he just flipped. The anger in him, it overtook him. He, he was threatening me, you, our child. He couldn't even remember killing Lola, Mary. I tried to calm him, really, I tried my best, but he was so far gone." the tears were clogging his throat, drowning out his words.

She could hear the sobs, could see them shake his entire body. What was she supposed to do, nothing made sense anymore and she just wanted to shut her ears, forgetting everything. This was not how things had been supposed to go. Marrying him, the false child inside her belly, Bash killing his own father, Lola dead. Her mind was shutting it all out, refusing to accept the truth.

„And the window, we were so close and then he was falling. Mary, I can't even remember it, remember the moment I killed my own father." the horror overshadowed his eyes, the green gone completely.

„Please stop, just please stop." she couldn't hear any more of it.

That is why she had woken alone last night, her husband missing as the guards had ripped her from her sleep. He should have been soundly asleep beside her that night, soundly tugged underneath the covers next to her. He had never supposed to have been out in the corridors at that hour. This was not the Bash she had known, the man she had sworn a vow to. The Bash she had known, the brother she had always wished for, would have never been capable of this, killing his own father. This was all her fault, the pain and desperation shimmering in his eyes, it was all because of her.

„You need to go Mary, it's not save." his eyes were suddenly staring at her, the determination clear in his tone.

„Bash, he is dead. Your father is dead and he can't hurt me, hurt us any longer!" she propped herself up on her arms, pushing her body into a standing position.

„It's not him Mary. She knows, Cathrine knows!" she felt as if someone had sucker punched her, forcing all the air from her lungs.

If there was one person, she feared more then the English, it was the old Queen. The woman's hatred for her was astonishing, the angry glare in her cold eyes whenever their paths crossed. In the beginning her anger had been fueled by the prophecy, the one foretelling her son's death if he should ever marry her and the Medici had done everything in her power to save him. As had Mary, she had married Bash, saving Francis' life in turn. Although her son was saved from certain death, Cathrine would never forgive Mary for stealing her sons' birthright, weakening their claim to the French throne. It seemed, no matter what Mary did or didn't do, the woman would always despise her. Cathrine wasn't the French Queen anymore, that title now belonged to Mary, but one did good not to underestimate her powerful allies at court. Her knowledge of poisons was renowned all through Europe and the death count formidable. Making her an enemy could cost her and Bash's heads.