A beating heart

Chapter 16

16.

The sharp pain, it cut through her flesh like a hot knife, paralyzing her body. His hands, tightly wrapped around her middle were the only thing keeping her upright.

The baby, something was wrong, she knew it.Pain was to be expected but this felt different, something wasn't right. No, no, she could not loose the baby as well, it would kill her.

„Francis, the baby ... it ..." she tried to tell him, but another wave of pain, washing over her shaking body, interrupted her and a high pitched cry excited her throat instead.

Her nails dug into his shoulders and she could feel him pulling her closer in response. She felt so save in his arms, so snug and secure. His familiar sent filled her nose. The distinct notes of warm cedar and clean orange soap calmed her mind and the steady beat of his heart partially dulled the pain in her limp body.

She could hear the maids approaching, bidding her to let go and lie down inside. She couldn't, she couldn't let him go and do this without him. Her fingers only held onto him tighter. She was so close, she merely had to say the words and make him see. This was her chance to make it all right and finally tell him the truth.

But then she could feel his grip loosen around her middle and he gently prayed her shaking hands off his shirt. He stumbled back, silent tears flashing in his eyes as he kept them on her. It felt as if all the air had been pulled from her and if it hadn't been for her maids, she would have collapsed on the stone floor before him.

Her own heavy tears clouded her vision and all she could see was the outline of his face, two sad blue pools on a pale ground. She wanted to scream, but her lungs failed her, rebelling at the loss of oxygen. The pull in heart, it was so strong, but her frail body was unable to move, unable to put up a fight.

She had lost him, finally, totally and completely lost him. He would never know of his child, leave court, never return, and she would be all alone. The realization hit her like a hard slap across the face, leaving behind a burning sensation in her nerve endings. The pain of his loss drowned out her physical one, raging in her belly. The child, his child, tearing it's way out of her.

She needed him, needed to hold his hand, see his face next to hers. Never until this moment had she realized how much of her strength had relied on the stupid dream of him returning after all. It was foolish but a part of her simply could't let him go. She needed him, needed the piece of him in her heart that kept her from falling apart. She could not do this alone, if the child died, if she lost even this last part of him it would all be over.

She could feel the energy leaving her body as the maids placed her on her bed, draping towels over her body. She just laid there, unmoving, salty tears silently sliding down her cheeks as the waves of pain rolled through her. The pressure in her pelvic area grew and she could feel the baby pushing in her belly.

„Mary, the baby, it is coming?" it was Kenna's voice, she sounded so enthusiastic.

She could feel Kenna's hand grasping hers and her fingers stroked her sweaty hair in an effort to comfort her.

„It is alright, the midwife is on her way and I will stay with you. I promise." her voice sounded comforting but the worry was evident in her words.

Mary nodded, in that moment so eternally thankful for the last friend she had still left.

As promised, a few minutes later, the midwife arrived and gave her a small dose of milk of the poppy, to take the pain and allow her body to rest. It worked, the pain vanished and she drifted into a dreamless state somewhere between sleep and consciousness.

She could still make out the voices of the midwife, the maids and Kenna as they prepared for the birth. The woman in charge remarked that the Queen's current state was very weak and she would need to gain strength before the time came to push. Kenna argued with her and she could feel wet towels being pressed against her burning forehead, the cold water trickling down her face.