A beating heart

Chapter 9

9.

It was all to much, her mind was practically spinning.

She was leaning against the thick wooden pole of the bed in her old chambers, her whole body trembling. The airflow to her lungs was constricted by her tight corset as she panicked and tried to gulp in air, to no avail. Her fingers found the strings that were holding her corset together and were desperately trying to claw it open. Her heart was racing, her pupils expanded and the fear overtook her body.

She wanted to scream, to desperately call for help but her lungs failed her. The room started to spin and the darkness fell heavy on her eyes.

-

„Help! Someone help, the Dauphine!" Lola's screams sounded distant, like in a dream.

She could feel strong arms grabbing her, setting her down on the bed.

„The corset, open her corset!" Lola was now closer, gently stroking her face, while a maid was loosening the strings at her back.

„Mary, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?"

She managed a weak nod in response but her eyes stayed shut.

„What happened, did you fall?"

Before she could even think of an answer, there were more footsteps and she could clearly hear Bash's voice.

„Mary, is she alright?" his hand reaching for hers, his grip strong.

Lola answered something that was lost to her ears.

„Please leave us, and call Nostradamus!" footsteps were exiting the room and the door fell shut.

„Mary darling, please say something." his words were filled with concern as he stroked her pale face.

„ I ... Bash, I ..." her voice failed her again, her eyes still shut.

She couldn't bring herself to look into his eyes. It would hurt too much. It was so pathetic, collapsing in front of her ladies, her husband, why couldn't she keep it together? This wasn't worthy of a queen.

She wasn't being fair, she knew that. She didn't marry him out of love but rather convenience, out of love for his brother. He must know, must suspect that in truth she still loved Francis. It was so selfish, he had given up his old life to marry her, he loved her and there was nothing she could give in return. The love and sorrow mixed in his eyes, she felt it when he looked at her.

But she barely ever saw him these days, shutting herself off in her chambers. It was her fault that he wasn't happy in their marriage, her fault if he sought comfort in the arms of another. She couldn't really blame him, could she? She was his wife, the one person that should support him no matter what, just like he supported her. But she had failed and now he had moved on. She knew it that she couldn't very well blame him, but still, it hurt so much, the betrayal of her best friend, her husband. He had been the closest thing she had ever had to family, someone who had always valued and cared for her and now she had lost him as well.

It was too much and the fear gripped her body again. The tears started to rush from her eyes, small sobs escaping her dry throat.

„What is it, is something wrong? Is it the baby?" she could feel Bash panicking beside her.

She managed to shake her head again, finally bringing herself to open her heavy lids. There were tears clouding his green eyes as well. They were so close to hers, she could feel his labored breath tingling the bare skin on her face.

One of his gentle hands was now cupping her cheek, the other still holding onto her pale fingers.

„Kenna ... Bash, why? Please tell me." she hated how weak she sounded.