A beating heart

Chapter 15

15.

Her eyes were pleading with him and she looked so desperate as the maids tried to free her from his grasp. In response she just grabbed onto the fabric of his shirt even tighter, small whimpers escaping her throat. He had his arms still protectively wrapped around her shaking body, his mind at a total loss.

This was wrong, yet if felt so right, so good to feel her against him after so long, her familiar smell clouding every logical thought. His body was so intently familiar with every inch of hers, she fitted into his arms perfectly, like two half forming a whole. His brain screamed to let go, but his body refused, only clutching her tighter.

„Your Majesty, the baby is coming. You need to lie down." the maid's voice was pulling him back into the present.

This was all wrong, she wasn't his, she hadn't chosen him. The realization sank in and he finally took his arms from her body and gently loosened her grip on his clothing, forcing her to let go. Without another word he backed away, staggering back against the wall as the maids half dragged, half carried her back into her chambers.

„Francis" it was one last cry of desperation that left her lungs and it stung.

He flinched, the sight of her tear filled eyes, begging him to return, to not leave her, too much. There was nothing he would rather do but he couldn't. She wasn't his wife and it wasn't his child in her belly that made her scream out in pain. He felt the confusion of the situation take over his body, leaving behind a numbing sensation and trembling hands.

The doors flew shut with a bang but he could still hear her agonizing screams, each stinging like a sharp needle, piercing his skin. She was in pain and he so desperately wanted to help, to be by her side, but he couldn't and it tore him apart inside.

-

He was leaning against a window sill in the great hall, his thoughts as lost as the hurried clouds in the sky outside. He had tried to get as far away from the western wing, which consisted mostly of the royal chambers, but her screams now filled the whole castle.

Everyone around was whispering in hushed voices, the tension palpable in the stuffy air. Will the chid live, will it be a boy, will France have a new heir, a new Dauphin?

He hadn't thought about it, but technically that title was his again, or at least until the child was born. People had addressed him as Dauphin, bowed before him and it had taken him by surprise. He had left this life behind, the life were he had been tied to the throne and the future King. He had never felt particularly regal but now the thought made him shudder. All he wanted was to leave, to put as much distance a possible between him and this cursed place. He needed to find away to speak to his mother, find out what she had wanted to tell him. He would take her with him, back to Italy, Bash at the very least owed him that much. He had gotten it all, the woman, the crown, the perfect life and wasn't it just fair that he left Francis and his family in peace in return.

Another distant scream filled the hall and he could feel his jaw tightened. It had been hours since her tear filled face had disappeared between the wooden door and he wasn't entirely sure how much more he could take.

What had she meant, she had lied? About what part, why couldn't she simply tell him? He ran his hand through his unruly locks, a sigh escaping his lungs. He knew that she was hiding something, had been keeping a secret for all these months but he couldn't make sense of any of it. He had seen it in her eyes back then, tasted it on her mouth that evening she had destroyed everything. The pain had been hiding in her strong brown eyes all along but he couldn't figure out why. It was impossible to tell apart what had been a lie and what the truth. Had she truly never loved him, had it all been just one big charade, a mere illusion on his part? Had he read too much into her actions, their kisses and how every touch had electrified his skin? It made him sick to think that none of it had been real and at the same time he despised the idea of her lying to him all this time. He had loved her unconditionally, even killed for that love, and no matter how terrible the secret she was hiding, her betrayal tore at his already weak heart. She had broken their trust and nothing could ever repair that. If he could ever forgive her for her betrayal, for taking everything from him, it would take more than time and he wasn't sure he would be willing to try. She had driven a wedge between them and where had it led them, they both were miserably, he had seen it in her eyes.