Still Into You

Five

{Sandra}

"So you smoke now, huh?" Calum asks me.

I chuckle. "I've been smoking for as long as I can remember. I only do it rarely though."

"Oh is that it? And you started when?" He teases.

I thought for a bit, and then I remembered. "9th grade."

Calum suddenly became wide-eyed. "You little shit." Then he smiles.

And we just sat there for what seemed like hours, talking about everything's that anything. He told me about the band, the tour, when deep inside it was killing me. That's what makes our friendship special. We, like, contradict each other and yet we agree to everything. Weird, right? I could tell him everything, and vice versa.

But I just couldn't make myself to ask more about Luke.

"Look, I told you, stop over-thinking about Luke. You can't do anything about it anymore. But he can. You just wait. But if he doesn't do anything, you shouldn't do anything either." He says, as if hearing my thoughts. Is everybody a fucking telepath except for me?

"There you are!" A voice shouts behind us, which makes us jump on our seats.

Calum and I turned around, and saw Jess walking towards us.

"You were like, gone for 2 hours! You smoked that long? You missed the whole thing! And everyone's been-" She starts to blurt out.

I cut her off. "Jess, Calum." And I gesture to Calum because she obviously didn't notice him sitting with me there.

"Where'd you come from?" Jess asks him, almost harshly.

Calum laughs. "I missed you too."

Jess rolls her eyes at him and turns to me. "Everybody's going home now. Are you driving with me or Calum?" She asks me.

"Uhh..." I flash looks at both of them. Then I finally say, "I think I'm fine with Calum."

"Yes!" Calum cheers.

So we bid our adieus and I hopped in Calum's car.

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I wasn't quiet on the drive home. I just don't feel awkward whenever I'm with Calum.

I was surprised that he still remembers the way to my house. I thought he forgot.

When we finally arrived, he insisted that he'd walk me to my door. Which was really weird, because it's only a really short walk and it would be pointless.

"So this is me." I say, gesturing at the door.

"Yeah. Thanks for today." And then he hugs me. "I really missed you. Don't give me the cold shoulder ever again."

I laugh. "I promise I won't. I'm trying to move on."

"That's good." And he breaks the hug.

Our faces were dangerously close now.

I could hear my heartbeat in my ears.

The next thing I knew, we were kissing. It wasn't long, it wasn't short. But to me, it happened way too fast.

"Sorry." Calum said, and walked back to his car and drove off, leaving me dumbfounded there.

Uh, what the fuck just happened?

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I washed up, got dressed for bed, and brought out my Luke notebook.

Today was seriously weird.

I started writing.

Luke,

Are you in the country? If you are, where you? Every part of me craves to see you. And it sucks.

Today was weird. I agreed to go out with Jess and the girls, missed the entire party, walked into Calum, and talked about you. Everything feels so wrong, it's right. Calum told me that I shouldn't think of you because you're probably not thinking about me. I think he's wrong.

Oh, and Calum kissed me. Everything happened so fast, I couldn't control it.

He leaned in.

He kissed me.

I kissed him back.

And you know what I first remembered as soon as our lips touched? Our first kiss.

I was mad at you for flirting with some chick, and you told me that that chick was only trying to get help from you because she really liked Calum but I didn't believe you. You were walking me home, as always, but I wasn't talking to you. So you stopped in front of me, and carried me like the groom carries the bride. You took me to this old, but beautiful abandoned house in the middle of the woods. You told me that you're going to buy it and fix it up so you and your future family could live there. I told you it was cute. You told me I'm going to be the one you're going to bring there and have lots of babies. I said you were a jerk.

I remember when you leaned in quick to kiss me, and I swear that not a single force on earth could stop the trembling of my hand.

It wasn't my first kiss, and it wasn't definitely yours either. But it felt like that. We were both clumsy and immature, which made the moment even more perfect.

I feel like a really bad person.

Calum kissed me, and yet here I am, reminiscing about our first kiss.

I'm sorry. I love you. I miss you. But I still hate you.

Sandra