Divorced and Learning to Trust

Chapter Forty-Five

"Baby stop fidgeting everything will be fine."

"How you so calm right now? This is the first time will get to see our baby and hear our baby."

"I know that baby but if you are freaking out and I'm freaking out then it won't help any of us. Just take a deep breath and try to calm down for me." I did as he said and took a deep breath. When I was done I still felt nervous all over. I was happy to finally see my baby miracle but I was scared something would go wrong. I didn't want to get this far and then have to suffer. I just wanted my baby to be okay.

"That didn't work, did it?" I shook my head. "Tell me what's bothering you so bad baby girl."

"I'm just so nervous that we will get this far and then get told something is wrong with our baby." He turned to me taking my hand in his. "You have to stop worrying so much, nothing will happen. Our baby will be just fine so stop letting negative thoughts ruin this for you. Enjoy being able to see our baby for the first time." He bent down and kissed me trying to reassure me that everything will be okay.

"Mr. and Mrs. Jackson," a young girl called out for us telling us we could go back now. I sighed and stood up with Cordell right behind me. He placed a hand on the small of my back and guided me to the designated room. "So the doctor will need a pee sample from you," the girl said handing me a pee cup. I took the cup and went into the bathroom in the room to pee. I guess it was a good thing I always had to pee. When I peed in the cup I came out and handed the girl the cup. "Okay now you just need to lie down on the table and wait for your doctor. She will be in here shortly." The girl left us alone and all I could do was look at the bland white walls. This was all too stressful.

Cordell reached out and placed his hand on my stomach and began rubbing circles on it. His touch just had a way to put me at ease. "Tell me something."

"Tell you what?"

"Have you been thinking about any baby names?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Really haven't had time and I didn't want to think about any until I knew the sex."

"I don't want to know the sex."

"Why?"

"I want this to be a surprise. I never got to do any of this with Sapphire, I want to this right." I had never thought about that. Sapphire just appeared on his doorstep one day, he didn't get to go to doctor appointments or see her for the first time. "You must be really excited about this then."

"Something like that."

"Now I feel bad for acting like this."

"You shouldn't, out of the two of us you have been through the most and deserve it. My happiness is seeing you happy. I'm just happy that I'm the one that's giving you this bundle of joy inside here." He reached up and wiped a tear from my eye that had fallen. "Maybe we should start thinking of names."

"I already have a name if it's a boy."

"And what is that?" he smiled wide. "Cordell duh." I shook my head and laughed. "That's not happening."

"And why not?"

"Because I am not naming my child that."

"What's wrong with my name?"

"Nothing baby, it's just that's not happening." He acted like he was hurt and then just laughed. "Fine, I will come up with another name then. So tell me you going back to work when this is done?"

"No, my mom is picking me up after this and I am going to have lunch with her then head home."

"Well, I have a meeting to go to so I won't be home until seven so my grandad is going to drop Sapphire off from school." I just nodded and sat back.

After ten more minutes the doctor came in with a clipboard. "Sorry I took so long but I am here now. From the pee sample you gave me, everything seems to be in order."

"So nothing is wrong with the baby?"

"From the test I ran you and the baby are very healthy and are doing fine." I sighed with relief.

"So tell me how have you been feeling throughout the pregnancy?"

"So far everything has been fine. Besides the constant peeing and aching feet, everything is good."

"Well, all of that is to be expected. I need you to turn on your side so I can feel if there are any problems." I turned on my side facing Cordell who was making faces at me. The doctor felt around my sides which made me feel weird. When she was done I turned back over to face forward.

"Alright lift up your shirt and let's see if we can see and hear the baby." I lifted up my shirt and waited for her to do what she needed. She put some cold gel on my stomach and then used a monitor to find the baby. "Okay now look up there and your baby should come into view." We both looked at the screen while she moved around my stomach. I was getting anxious until the baby came into view. It was so small. "Here is your baby?" I smiled, I was finally looking at my own baby. I reached for Cordell's hand and squeezed. He looked at me and smiled. We were both happy.

When I finally got home I was beat. I felt like I was drowning in weariness. I went up to our room and changed out of my clothes into some black joggers and one of Cordell's t-shirts. I put my hair up in a ponytail on the top of my head. I grabbed my things from my office and headed downstairs. I still had a lot of work to do before this fall line came out. I know Cordell would hate that I was working but I had to do what I had to do. I had worked so hard to get to where I was and I wasn't about to let it slip out of my hands. Plenty of women work while pregnant so why couldn't I.

I got so deep into my work that I lost track of time. I was only bought out of it when the doorbell rang.

"Mommy!" Sapphire yelled hugging me. I hugged her back tightly. "Well, there is my lady bug. Did you have fun at school?"

"Yes, I made you and daddy a picture!"

"How about you save it until daddy gets home so we both can see it together?" she nodded her head. "Go to you room and change out of your clothes and do your homework, I will start on dinner soon."

"Can I get some chips?"

"Yea but just a little." She ran into the kitchen and then came out with a bowl of chips in her hand.

"So how have you been Conrad?" I stepped aside to let him in. "I've been good just hanging in there. Just been working hard and from the looks of it you have been too."

"Don't tell Cordell."

He laughed, "Your secret is safe with me." He sat down and looked at his hands like something was wrong. "Is there something on your mind Conrad?" he looked up and looked directly at me. "I have been meaning to talk to you about something."

"What about?" I sat down next to him. "I've been thinking about the way we started off and even though we are better now, I still don't like what happened."

"Conrad what happened is over and we have moved on from it."

"That may be true but our relationship is far different that then the one you have Elizabeth. You and my wife seem to have this connection but when it comes to me, it's like you pull away or just deal. We don't have personal conversations."

I thought about what he said and realized he was right. When it came to me and him we didn't really connect. Of course, I wanted us to but there was something holding me back. "Honestly Conrad I never had a dad so I don't know how to have that kind of relationship. It took me a long time to trust Cordell the way I do now, you just have to be patient with me and I promise I will get there." He grabbed my hand in his, "I just want you to know that you don't have to always rely on Elizabeth or your mother for support, I am here for you." I smiled wide. "Thank you, I will remember that."