Divorced and Learning to Trust

Chapter Thirty-Seven

It has been almost three weeks since I found out Cordell has been in coma. I haven't left side praying that he would one day wake up. I feel like I haven't slept in forever. I spend my days holding his hand and trying to get him to wake up. Every day I talk to him to let him know I am here for him. I just can't believe this is happening to me. Just when I am finding love again, it gets ripped away from me by a crazy ex-husband.

Sapphire has surprisingly been calm about the whole situation. She is positive everything will be okay and that her daddy will wake up. I wish I could have her faith. Every day the doctors would come in and check him and just say nothing has changed. My mother has tried to get me to leave but I refuse to leave his side. I don't want him to wake up and I'm not there for him.

"How is he holding up," my mother said walking in with Elizabeth. "So far the same, the doctors say he hasn't made any improvements."

"I hope he wakes up soon, I can't take this pressure for much longer," Elizabeth said. I could tell she was struggling just as much as I was. This was her little boy lying helpless and there was nothing she could do about it. When Conrad came in to see him, he just broke down praying that he wake up so that they could go fishing. I had never seen Conrad so emotional so to see that let me know this was really hurting him. He didn't come back after that because he said he couldn't handle to continue to see him like this. I knew Cordell was a fighter but it looked like he was losing this fight. I needed him fight. He had to fight to get back to us.

"Please tell me you have at least slept a little bit."

"You know I can't rest with this going on."

"Lelaih you have to take care of yourself."

"Mom I will rest when he wake up." She came over to me looking at me closely. "I think you should rest because you aren't looking too good."

"I'm fine, it's probably just stress."

"This doesn't look like stress. Stand up and let me take a look at you." Since I wasn't up to argue with her I just stood up sighing. She felt my forehead. "You are burning up! You need to lay down now before you get worst." I knew I had been pushing myself but I didn't think it was that bad. My nerves were all over the place with everything that was going on that I just needed Cordell to wake up and then I would be okay. "Mom I'm-" before I could finish the sentence everything felt heavy. I couldn't stand and it felt like something was pushing me down. Next thing I knew I was on the ground and blackness took over.

When I did wake up I found myself in a hospital bed. Tubes ran from my arm to a machine that was keeping tabs on my health. As I continued to look around I see my mother with her head down. "What happened? Why I am here?"

She looked up, "You passed out. I told you to watch your health."

"What are you talking about?"

"You pushed yourself too much Lelaih. I know you are under a lot of stress but you still have to take care of yourself." I knew she was right but that's not what I wanted to hear. I just wanted to get out of this bed and back to Cordell's side. "How is Cordell? Any news?"

"No, he is still the same. Right now you need to be worried about yourself." I sighed sitting back.

"Lelaih you have to trust that everything will be okay. You can't run yourself to the ground like this."

"I know mom."

"Then act like it! I get that the love of your life is in a life threatening situation but that doesn't mean I want to see you in the same situation! I need you to take care of yourself." I had never really thought about what this was doing to her. I had only been thinking about myself, not about what other people are going through. "I'm sorry mom I didn't think about what this was doing to you. I'm just going through a lot right now"

"I know you are sweetheart but I need you to take care of yourself for me. I don't want to be here for you."

"I promise I will try mom." I had never gotten used to my mom being worried for me and my health so hearing her concern for me made me feel a little bit better. I felt like I didn't have to hold myself up by myself. I felt like I finally had someone to lean on in times like this. It felt nice to have a mother in my life.

"Glad to see you are awake!" the doctor said walking in with a huge smile on her face.

"When I can get out of here?"

"Not anytime soon I'm afraid." She looked at her records. "You need to rest and let your body heal itself."

"I can do that without being in this hospital."

"Well since you pushed your body to much and it seems as if you haven't been taking care of yourself, it was too much on your body and the baby. We have to keep you so we can monitor your progress." I almost fainted a second time from hearing that. "Did you say baby?"

"Yes, you are pregnant."

"That can't be I think you have me mistaken for someone else." I just couldn't be pregnant. "We have ran numerous test and all of them say you are in fact pregnant Ms. Marshall." This couldn't be happening.

"But all the test I took said I wasn't pregnant. How can I be pregnant?"

"Sometimes depending on your hormone count and other unknown reasons, home test can be wrong."

"So what now then?"

"Since your blood pressure is so high and with your condition we are putting you on bed rest until we feel you are stable enough. We don't want to take any chances with your health or the baby's."

"I can't be on bed rest, my fiancé is in another room. I have to be there for him in case he wakes up or something else happens."

"I'm sorry but you are my priority right now. You are my patient and I have to do everything I can; making sure you are taken care of. Your fiancé has his own doctors that will be monitoring him in case anything is to happen."

"But how will I know if something happens?"

"I will let his doctors know where you are and to keep in you in the loop in case something happens. Bottom line Ms. Marshall, you are staying in this bed. You have a child inside of you that you need to be thinking about now, so I need you to rest." Once again I laid back thinking about what just happened. I just found out I was pregnant. I had been wanting this and now that it was here, I was nowhere near excited as I should be. Cordell was not here so this moment meant nothing. This moment was supposed to be shared with him, we were supposed to jump up and down with joy written all over our faces. Instead I lay here sad. He was already far from me but now that I was in another room, he was even further. I just wanted him to walk in here and kiss me on the forehead to let me know everything will be okay. He just had a way to calm me down whenever I was on the brink of freaking out but now he wasn't here. I was in a freak out moment and I was by myself.

"What are you thinking about?"

"How this moment wasn't supposed to be like this."

"And tell me how it was supposed to be?"

"We were supposed to find this out together. We were supposed to share this moment together."

"Maybe you weren't." I turned to look at her. "What does that even mean?"

"Lelaih from the beginning you have struggled with trying to get pregnant. You have had your emotions go from bad to worse with each passing day a test said negative. You have gotten into fights from frustration and even said some things you didn't mean from that frustration. All I'm saying is maybe you were meant to experience this alone first. Allow you to get used to the idea of being a mother, of having a child, that your pain is finally over. This is your moment to realize you need to stop trying to do everything by yourself and realize you do have help. You are not pregnant with that man's child and when he does wake up, you need to be able go through this with him mentally and emotionally. You shut down easily but now you can't do that."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"Rest and allow your body to stabilize. Take this time to let the stress go and to let other people take care of you." I couldn't help the tear that slid down my face. I had finally had everything I wanted but yet things weren't going right. My mom got up and came over to comfort me. "Don't worry sweetheart everything will be fine, trust me."