Divorced and Learning to Trust

Chapter Thirty-Six

When I got to the hospital I was in frenzy. I didn't know what to do or what I would do if something would to happen to Cordell. He was my life and now I could possibly lose him too. I had finally gained the strength to fight for myself and just like that joy and empowerment I felt was trying to be taken away from me. I needed Cordell to be okay or else I wouldn't be.

I rushed to the front desk where a woman sat looking at her nails. "I need to know where they have taken Cordell Jackson!" the woman looked up and then started typing. "According to this he is in surgery right now. I want know anything else until he is out."

"How will I know when they are done?"

"Give me your name and when the doctors come out with information, I will tell them to come to you." I gave her my information and she put it in the system. I took Sapphire and went to the waiting room to wait. I called the rest of the family so that they would know what happened. "Mommy is daddy going to be okay?" I looked down at Sapphire to see she had been crying. She looked so broken for a little girl. I picked her up and put her in my lap. I wiped away her tears, "Don't worry lady bug everything will be fine. Your daddy will get through this and then we will all be happy together."

"You promise." I swallowed the lump and my throat and nodded. "I promise." I knew I was taking a chance by promising something I didn't know to be true but I couldn't let her be in pain like this. I knew what pain could do to a person and I didn't want that to happen to her. She nodded and leaned against me.

"There you are!" my mother screamed as she came towards me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine mom." She looked at a sleeping Sapphire and then she made her way to me. I could tell she was taking in all the bruises and marks I now had on my body. To be honest I was desperately trying not to look into a mirror because I knew it would be bad. I knew that with one look I would be transformed back to when the beatings would be an everyday thing. All the old feelings would appear and I couldn't let that happen.

"Did he do this to you?" she reached out and caressed my face. It was as if she was magically trying to heal them. "It's nothing mom."

"Nothing! Have you seen yourself?! You need to get checked out."

"I am not doing anything until I know that Cordell is okay. When I know that then maybe I will think about getting checked."

"Not taking care of yourself will not do you any good Lelaih."

"And what good does taking care of myself do if the only person that makes me happy isn't here?!" I didn't mean to yell at her but I couldn't focus or function not knowing if Cordell would be okay or not. I loved him so much and the thought of not being with him was enough to drive me over the edge. "I know you are going through a lot right now but you can't let that get to you. You have to be strong not just for you but for Sapphire too." I knew she was right so I sat down so that I could calm down. I just needed Cordell to be okay.

We sat in the waiting room for another three hours without knowing anything. The time was killing me.

"Lelaih Marshall?" I turned around and found a doctor wearing scrubs with blood stains. I really hoped that wasn't Cordell's. "That's me." I stood up going to him. "Is he okay?"

"When he came in he was unconscious. Upon taking a deeper look we found he had three cracked ribs, a bruised lung, a broken leg, and also suffered major damage to the head." No matter how many times I imagined it, I could never have guessed it would be that bad. I wanted to believe everything would be okay but after hearing the damage. I didn't know what to think. The only thing I could think of was that he was in this situation because of me.