Don't Shoot the Messenger! (Adventures of a Critic)

Critics Critiquing Other Critics are like Doctors Treating Other Doctors

I have had some of the best people take my criticism-they were so professional and sweet and just overall great. I am really pleased about that. They were also very helpful to me, so thank you lostmemoria and IsabellaLanthier and all the others who are just super awesome

This has happened before, I've had nice people. I know that most of this is going to consist of rage against authors, but there are quite a few nice authors-they just don't ask for critiques very often.

Now I just wait-because I know what's going to happen. 

I will get some author who goes ballistic. I just know it. It will happen, and it will happen soon. 

I have recently put my offer of critiquing on the critique thread and have gotten four requests (and have asked for some myself). Usually a critic asks for a critique in return-I did the same-and so I always worry for that kind of thing. When you're critiquing a critic, sometimes they're worse than just authors. Authors sometimes don't critique, they aren't claiming to know it all and have done it all. Critics-especially young ones-think that if they can spot errors in a story that's not theirs then they have the best story on Earth. 

Um, no. I promise you, that's not true. You're a good reader-which that's great! It helps with your writing a lot to be a good critic, it really does. The more you critique, the better you get at spotting the flaws in your own story, it's true, but you are not a God after you become a critic, or even a great critic. You are not the Thor of writing, the Zeus of knowing what a good story is and what a good story isn't. You are still learning just as much as any other author. 

These people are like doctors who cannot stand to be sick because then they need a doctor. They try to treat themselves. It just doesn't work, you need extra help. 

Some critics do not get that they are not super writers now with being a critic, and you can even get more agitating comments from them than authors. Not because the critics are meaner-no-it's because they COMPLETELY DISREGARD YOU. This makes me SO BEYOND ANGRY. 

There's this critic on the critique thread of whom I was going to ask for a critique from. She asked for a critique on her story first, and I did just that. 

She told me this. 

"Thanks for the advice, but I just don't think wattpad's yet getting the concept. This is a whole new story for wattpad, and I think that my intro will work better then what you think. I'm only taking grammar advice right now, but, um, thanks?" 

Excuse me?

I'm not sure what irks me more about that-the "this is a new concept for wattpad" or "I'm only taking grammar advice right now." You asked for a critique! Now, I include a lot of grammar stuff into my critiques because I edit all the time, but you don't really have to (unless it's a reoccurring thing), and so if you want grammar stuff-LOOK FOR AN EDITOR. Don't ask for a critic when you want someone to check spelling and grammar, because that isn't our damn job. Our job is to tell you if your characters are good, if your plot is going well. 

As for the part on the "this is a new concept for wattpad", no it isn't. Is it not as common-sure! Want to know why it's not as common, and I'm going to be completely honest-it's not a romance and it's usually not super well written because it gets boring if done wrong. There is no such thing as a new concept for any story, anywhere. This is wattpad, there are, gosh, who knows how many authors on this website-plus the people who left-plus the new people every day. YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS EVER THOUGHT OF THIS IDEA? 

It just blows my mind how arrogant some people can be. 

I haven't heard the blown off "I'm looking for _____ mistakes only" only from critics either. I got a very angry one from a twenty-three year old once. I had already broken one of my rules (I used to be a super push-over) and even though I explicitly said NO SEX SCENES, she gave me a chapter with a sex scene in the middle. I skipped over it, I am NOT reading that. Sorry, nope, nope, I am not interested and I don't care. She said (screamed) that was the only part @#$%ing wanted critiqued and "the fact that I bypassed it shows I'm immature and she wouldn't want my opinion anyways." 

I'm not immature, I'm just not comfortable with that, sorry! Not everyone can stand things like Fifty-Shades! And, not only did she blatantly ignore really bolded instructions, she insulted me in the process. Could have screamed, and in my mind I was yelling:

"READ MY INSTRUCTIONS YOU NIMROD. IF YOU WANT SOMETHING FOR THAT PART ONLY, FIND SOMEONE ELSE!"

I feel like Kamaji the Boiler Man when Chihiro wants to work for him (if you've seen Spirited Away). "GO SOMEWHERE ELSE, THERE'S NOTHING FOR YOU HERE!" I only have two rules, you can't read them? No fan-fiction, no erotica, that's it! You SERIOUSLY can't read THOSE TWO THINGS!?

Does anyone else get this kind of stuff? This seems more like a raging tangent, but I hope it all makes sense. Comment below if you've ever had these sort of issues. They make me almost angrier than someone telling me "I don't get their work". It's just cowardly, you don't like what I say so you say that you only wanted something else.