Don't Shoot the Messenger! (Adventures of a Critic)

Stahp in the Name of Love

I received a very interesting message the other day about one of my stories, and it was telling me that my two main characters either were gay or the narrator was a woman because it was obvious they loved each other, so why don't I have them kiss or something?

Is this what people think? That people who love each other have to be romantic? I nearly choked on my tea when I read that (still not sure if it was from laughter or just absolute astonishment) but it just threw me. 

Romantic love is barely a scratch on the surface on an ever deep amount of connections you can have with love. I'm not going to rant and rage about love because we can see that anywhere, but I'm just going to say this:

There can be and ARE loves stronger than some lover to lovers (especially high school romances, just being honest). Now, obviously, every rule has an exception and I'm not bashing anyone who is in a relationship because relationships are awesome and good for you that's fantastic, but I'm just saying. 

NOW ALL OF THESE THINGS HAVE EXCEPTIONS. I am perfectly aware that family is not always the most loving, and I am also aware that sometimes romantic relationships really aren't loving at all, and sometimes siblings really are ready to kill each other. I am talking about when these connections are ones with love. 

Romantic love IS special, I will say that. Romantic love is the one where you have a physical and an emotional connection, and more than just ruffling your hair. You are only intimate in a romantic relationship, so yes, romance is special, but it's certainly not the only loving relationship someone can have. 

Think about how your parents love you. Parents (often times) will forget everything if you are in trouble and put their lives in the way to save you. Mothers have maternal instincts that can sense when you are in trouble when you are miles away. They may push your buttons, but in the end, ideally, they're there for you. There's something I've learned: you can replace your romantic partner - ideally; you may not want to (which is normal); but you can. You can't replace a lost child. A parent may have five children, but when one of them dies do you walk up to them and say "at least you've got four others, right?" No, God no, you don't ever say that. Losing a child is a hole you can never fill with anything. Whereas a romantic relationship you can at least soothe the ache a little bit if you find love again (because you can find love again!) 

Siblings? Siblings may drive you up a wall, but at the end of the day, aren't you usually glad you have them? You borderline on loathe and love with siblings, but they get you (perhaps more than you'd like them to). Siblings also are the only people who deeply understand the works of your family with you, and you are connected knowing the crazy bits about your family. You have inside jokes that no one else would understand, and memories that will only be in your family. It's just the way it works. 

Best friends? I know that I love my best friend. My best friend knows me better than anyone, and I know I know her better than anyone else. Best friends can love each other without being romantic, and they can love each other with being romantic. I know families whose parents say they've "married their best friend" which is awesome - and that's ideally what you should strive for in a romantic relationship, but let's not get into that. I'm just saying that not all best friend relationships (in fact, MOST) are not romantic, at least not until you do get into a romantic relationship with someone. Fading from your best friend hurts every step of the way. Hearing about how they're in trouble? Hell, most would drop everything to help them. You may not always agree, but you always have each other's back when it counts. Best friends are people you can relax a bit because you don't have the stress of family or your lover on your shoulders, you're with someone who truly doesn't give a damn because they know you through and through. 

And then normal friend relationships too. You can love all of your friends, some more than others, but you can still love them. 

Now this isn't entirely a chapter to preach about what you already know. I know almost all people who read this know these facts and are sitting there like "goddamn, you really think we're that dumb" and I immediately go "NO! I think you guys are brilliant and lovely in all possible ways," but it's also about stories. 

I have lots of relationships I like to read about, and one of my favorites is a girl and her grandmother. I had to read Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi in a class, and it's a graphic novel, but it's about the wars in Iran and a little girl growing up through it. She loved her grandmother, a lot, and her grandmother the same. Her grandmother was there to hug her when she needed comfort and was there to talk some sense into her and to toughen it up when she needed to be stronger. Her grandmother was a wealth of wisdom to look up to. When Marji leaves her marriage and is bawling for days, her grandmother walks in, throws clothes at her, and says "it is only a marriage, you'll have more chances", which is kind of awful, but at the same time it's exactly what Marji needed. When Marji was little and was going to leave, she slept in her grandmother's room and her grandmother told her stories. It was really quite a touching relationship. 

Another one I loved was just two friends. They were not romantic in any way, but she was an idiot (and so was he) but he always was there to get her out of trouble. He had authority, and she didn't, so he used his authority to help her out at times, because he knew she was innocent and probably shouldn't be in the thick of things anyways. She always defended him because lots of people didn't like him because he was an authority and was rather strict with rules. She was incredibly annoying, and often didn't understand what was going on; so he'd sit her down, tell her to shut up, and explain everything, keeping her in the loop. He also went and saved her when she was kidnapped, and had the absolute faith in her to fight her own fights (and had his support too if something went truly awry). He even nearly died for her, and he was ready to give up his life, too. They weren't romantic at all, and I don't even know if I'd call them friends, but they were people who had a deep respect for each other. It was almost a sibling-like relationship. 

So, seriously people, don't think that romantic relationships are the only ones where someone can love someone. But know that stories don't have to revolve around romance. We're all a part of the romance business, and I'm not saying axe all romance stories either because some are fantastic, (Pride and Prejudice, anyone?) but know that your strongest relationship doesn't have to be romance. I love stories with great best friends, and I love stories where someone deeply loves their pet, or where their siblings are so close. They're relatable to everyone that way, too. 

So, stahp in the name of love thinking that love is exclusive to romance. It's not. 

Have a fantastic day!