Heartbound

Heart 1: Hold Back

"Be brave. Fear is never a saving grace..."

AVERY

Ilang araw na kaming naglalayag patungo sa Hysteria. Siguradong makararating na kami roon bukas. Nilamon na ng kadiliman ang kalangitan. Tanaw na tanaw ko ang maririkit na bituin at ang malamlam na sinag ng buwan. The moon was on its crescent phase. It suddenly reminded me of Seth.

We're still under his shadow. Hangga't hindi namin siya tuluyang natatalo, hindi kami makakawala mula sa kanya.

Naramdaman ko ang bahagyang pagbundol ng kaba sa dibdib ko na tila sumasabay sa malakas na alon ng dagat. Alam kong hindi siya madaling talunin. He was a good manipulator. Nagawa niyang kontrolin si Severus nang walang kahirap-hirap at hindi pa namin alam kung sinu-sino ba ang mga kalaban namin. We should be cautious.

Naalala ko rin ang ginawang pagkontrol ni King Aulius sa mga hari at reyna ng ibang kaharian. He put a mark on them. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung siya ba si Seth o isa lamang siyang biktima.

Mabigat akong bumuntong-hininga. Walang kasiguraduhan ang maaaring mangyari sa paghahanap namin sa kanya. Hindi namin alam ang totoo niyang anyo. We're fighting against an enemy we never knew and we're at a disadvantage. We're just good as blind. Or maybe we can be considered as ignorant to even try and come after him.

We need a plan, a solid one.

May ilang ibon na malayang nagliliparan sa himpapawid at tila walang kahit ano'ng problema. I somehow envied that they could fly freely and carefree.

"You'll catch cold if you stay here," mahinang sambit ng isang malalim na tinig mula sa aking likuran. Pakiramdam ko tumalon ang puso ko dahil sa hindi inaasahang pakikipag-usap niya sa 'kin. Panic overwhelmed me. Cold chills ran down my spines. Hindi ko namalayan ang paglapit ni Zirrius sa kinaroroonan ko. I was too consumed by my deep thoughts.

Kahit na gustong-gusto ko siyang makita o tingnan, hindi ko siya magawang sulyapan. Ilang araw na kaming hindi nag-uusap matapos niyang sabihin sa 'kin na kalimutan ko na ang lahat. That I should forget the connection and the bond. It still hurts. So bad. It was still tearing me apart. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong matuwa o mainis dahil sa ginagawa niyang pakikipag-usap sa 'kin ngayon.

If he continues to show some concern, even a little, I might not be able to really move on. I will be stuck, stuck at loving him and I don't want that. Gusto ko ring maging masaya kahit papaano. Kahit hindi sa piling niya. Kahit mag-isa lang ako.

"It's fine. Papasok din ako mamaya sa loob," sagot ko sa kanya. He was much colder than the cold breeze. The cold breeze was easier to handle than him. This cold makes me numb but him, he was making my heart race and panicky. He was making me burn. He was more unbearable than the cold. Naglakad si Zirrius patungo sa railings. But I still noticed that he was keeping his distance. Iniiwasan pa rin niya ako at mas lalo akong nasasaktan at naaapektuhan ng pagtrato niya sa 'kin.

Tila sinasaksak ng matatalim na kutsilyo ang puso ko. Mas masakit pa ito kaysa sa punyal na tumama noon sa dibdib ko. Dahil ang tumatama ngayon sa puso ko ay hindi kayang pumatay agad-agad. It was something that could slowly kill me. Slowly. Until I could no longer handle the pain. Just slowly. Aching until I become totally numb. Drowning me until I can't even breathe, until I can no longer resurface.