My Random Crap

Today Sucked.

Hey.

Wanna know how my Friday went?

Well let's see.......

Horribly.

It all started a few days ago.

I got in this HUGE argument with this guy in my class, let's call him Mark. Mark was asking me who I had a crush on, because, you know, that's how highschool and middleschool drama always starts. I was refusing to tell him, and when he asked me why, I told him it was because I didn't trust him. This is true. I do not trust him, because he cannot, for the life of him, keep a secret.

So. After about five minutes of begging, he started to get mad at me. He wrote a HUGE paragraph about how I'm the least trustworthy person ever, and I had no right to not trust him because he shouldn't of trusted me. Because I told his crush to everyone, and blah blah. Well the only thing was, EVERYONE knew about his crush, because he's so freaking obvious about it.

So we got in this big argument, me saying things like "sorry if I have trust issues after the shit I went through at my old school" then we argued more about trust, and what made me more mad was the fact that he knows about my attempted suicide, and my depression and crap, but he chose to continue to accuse me, invoking my inner demons and getting in my head.

Anyways, after a long time he goes:

"I just hate all this drama"

So since he was blaming me throughout it all, I stated:

"I'll make your life easier than, I'll just take myself out of your life"

He didn't fight it, just said "seeya" and we haven't texted since.

See. That right there. That was the highlight of all of this.

So a couple of days pass, we've both calmed down and talked in class a little bit. But today he suddenly decides to start telling people that I'm pregnant. With twins. With a guy in my class that I don't hate, but don't like.

This happened at my old school, and it made me angry and cry a lot. That was four years ago, and now here I am at a new school and old crap is starting up again. But that's not even the worst part, the worst part was what I overheard in math class.

So him and his best friend were talking about me being pregnant, but I just ignored it because it's trivial and I'm bigger a bigger person who won't stoop to their level. But as they talk, I hear something to do with running in gym. I hear the friend laugh and say "that's mean" but then Mark goes "well pregnant women can't run, so it makes sense that she can't do it well"

And that broke me.

This guy, the one who knew the crap I went through. He knew that I became depressed from so much backtalking and rude comments. He knew. And he still did it.

I'm insecure about gym class, I know I'm not athletic, and I'm terrified of trying and failing in front of everyone's judging eyes. So when we run laps, I stay in the back with my friend who has bad hips and keep her company.

And he said that, and I wanted to cry.

I felt every little thought that I had thought way back when I was suicidal. I felt my world just darkening, and I just sat there, listening to him trash talk me, and make fun of me. I didn't even stand up for myself.

He didn't know that I debated suicide not even a couple months ago. But that's no excuse to make me feel like an overweight piece of trash. I'm not even overweight. I was confident.

Now I'm really not in the best of moods.

So yeah, today sucked.

I've yet to cry, but I feel like I will. I did yesterday, only cause my technical ex returned from a trip and seeing him made me hurt, and to also make today even more shitty was the fact that he was flirting with one of my friends when I was right there.

Yeah.

Not having a great week.

If you ask my friends, they'll probably say I haven't been myself lately. Maybe I'm falling into a darker state of mind again, maybe I'm being overdramatic. Who knows.

But I want to look on the brighter sides of things. It's the weekend, so at least I have a small break from "Mark"

Tell me a joke.

I love you all my devils, thanks for being a little piece of sunshine in my otherwise dark days lately.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee