New Beginnings

Chapter 1

Many nights I lay awake in my bed. Restless. I can't sleep knowing that the man beside me doesn't really love me anymore. Of course we've had good times and bad times. My children are my greatest accomplishments.
Rue, Baylin,Bryce, and of course little Cadence. I just feel like that's the only thing keeping us together. Our children and grandbaby. Most nights I'll get up and walk through the house. When the children were still here I'd walk in their room and watch them sleep, peacefully. But tonight is different I'm considering just packing up and going of course I couldn't do it but it's always crossed my mind. I mean shit I'm 65 years old, I couldn't love again but I could go. Of course I wouldn't. I remember the day we married.
I was 25, his smile bright and loving. Doctors told me I had a low chance of conceiving. Proved them wrong. Of course I've only had three children. Rue came to me under unordinary circumstances. Still haunts me watching that young woman die. Nothing I could do. Just wrap up those babies. Did I mention that? Twins. I bet you're wondering what happened to the other? One of my old friends Meryl adopted him. We used to live together but you see when you have eight children in a house you kinda want to pull out all of your hair. So we built another house and put it next to the other one. I see Meryl's children as mine and she does the same.Most nights he will toss and turn but tonight he's softly snoring. I look at him. This man I used to love to be around. Now look at us a sexless marriage. The most affection I get is when he pecks me on the lips goodbye and off to work. That's it. How does a marriage last like that? It can't. I still love him and need us to patch the holes. For our children, our grandbaby, for me. I need this man beside me to want me again. In my mind we'll be separated by time I'm 70. In my heart I hope we last. We've grown old together. We made a life and a hell of one at that. I lay my head on his chest. I just wanna hear his heartbeat. It's soothing for me. When I hear his heart I feel like everything around me is gone. His heartbeat is slowed down mainly because he's sleeping. But this is the only time I get to be intimate with him. He's so handsome he has gotten sexier with age. I can see why he lusts after other women. I'm a mother of four, my breasts have begun to sag and the wrinkles on my face are horrendous. When I look in my mirror I can't recognize myself anymore. When I look in the mirror I see this lonely old woman and it makes me want to cry and bust out the mirror. I look at the clock and it's already 2:00 am. If I don't go to sleep I won't get up to make him his breakfast and the last thing we need is him being grouchy.