OC and Mary Sue reviews and critiques...kinda.

OC Review #4: Eloise Chevalier (Miraculous Ladybug)

Thanks to syrupstar for submitting this character!  

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug

Name: Eloise Chevalier 

Ayy, proper French name! Although Eloise's story is set in London- were her parents from France?

Superhero identity: Swan dew 

While it's not a canon rule, I've noticed all the names of the Miraculous holders have three syllables-

La-dy-bug

Chat No-ir

Pap-ill-ion

Vol-pin-a

Just a little tidbit to keep in mind when making Miraculous names!

Species:Human 

Gender: Female 

Age: 18 

Quite a bit older than the main cast- Marinette's age is somewhere between 13-15. Not that this is a bad thing!

Occupation: College student, Superheroine, Fast food worker 

Yep, sounds about right.

Residence: London in a small apartment 

So she doesn't live in a dorm, then. I'm guessing the apartment is relatively cheap?

Kwami: Meeho 

Yesss you followed the naming rule for the Kwami!

Love interests: Alexander Grey 

Powers:
Hydrarrow- Blinds the villain, giving Tigressa a chance to attack
River Transfer- Since She can't purify things like Ladybug, she makes the venom {villain Oc power} be absorbed into her yo-yo, whether or not she is transformed. 

So she also has a yo-yo? This is a tiny bit of a red flag, as each Miraculous holder's weapons should be unique.

Weapons:bow made of water 

Okay, that sounds cool as heck.

Appearance: Dark brown hair up to her shoulders with some of it tied back, Grey eyes, brown skin, white shirt, Grey jeans, Brown flats, silver swan brooch, two silver studs. 

Nice and simple, good. Another thing I've noticed with Marinette and Adrien's everyday outfits is that there are semi-subtle hints to what their Miraculous is- Adrien's shirt is black with prevalent green and yellow stripes, while Marinette has pink polka dots on the inside  and cuffs of her jacket as well as the cuffs of her jeans. Maybe add a faded blue stripe or border somewhere?

Superhero appearance: white mask with blue lining, White, sleeveless skin tight suit with a thick blue line down the middle, blue hip cape, blue, calf high, flat boots, feather earrings, short white gloves. 

That sounds really cool, actually! Kinda tempted to draw it... 

So her Miraculous stone is in a brooch? That seems a bit easy to tear off, but then again, so is Volpina's necklace. Carry on!

Personality: Eloise is very reserved, not really having many friends due to this. She prefers to go with the flow resulting causing a few problems. She is quiet and spends most of her time in solitude, leading others to believe she doesn't want to be interrupted, but in reality, she just wants someone to talk to her. She's easygoing and stays calm in stressful situations, but if something is too much for her to take in she breaks down. 

Sounds interesting!

Backstory: Eloise had a pretty normal life before receiving a miraculous. She lived in London with her parents and attended school there up until leaving secondary school. Afterwards, she decided to move further away from her parents to attend a good university. Up until her first year, life was pretty boring and she just attended her creative writing class like everyone else. But one day, during her second year of college, she met an old man stuck in the rain. Since her house was nearby, she gave him her umbrella to shelter him from the rain, and a few hours later, during a venom attack, she found her miraculous.

So was that old man Master Fu? Or another Master?

I'm also curious about the Venom. Is he a Miraculous holder, like Papillion, who's gone mad with power? Or is he something else entirely?

Overall, this is another great OC, although her history could use some elaboration. I hope to see you continue to develop this OC, and hopefully put out a story using her soon!

- M (Who needs to stop underestimating how busy school keeps her)