OC and Mary Sue reviews and critiques...kinda.

OC Critique #7: Mary/Little Bit (Creepypasta)

Thanks to taylengraber1127 for submitting this OC!

Name: Mary

Any particular reason why he doesn't have a last name? Or is this just the name they go by when they're not, y'know, murdering people?

Cp: Little Bit

Makes sense, since he's only 4', but it doesn't sound like something a murderous Creepypasta would be named.

Appearance: Full beard and bushy eyebrows. Four foot. Missing the top of head and has clown make up, ton of wrinkles.

I'm...mostly curious about how he's even alive when he's missing the top of his head. How did that even happen?

Age: 45

Wow. A bit older than most CPs I see. Although quite a few (like Zalgo and Slenderman) are ageless.

Gender: Male

Weapon: Fucking

I...what? That's not a weapon. Unless you mean he r***s people. Please tell me that's not what you mean. Creepypastas are supposed to be scary, but that crosses a few different lines.

Backstory: Mary is what happens when you combine the dna of a Neko mermaid and an ape and let a elephant give birth to it. Give heroin and vodka to kill the scientist who made it by ripping off the scientist conjoined fetus which is attached to xir face. Add and buzz saw and dress and you got a Mary.

So...um... okay, I'm going to be completely straight with you, this makes no sense. Mary's a hybrid of a neko, a mermaid, an ape, and an elephant? I just- at least we know what took off the top of Mary's head? Maybe?

Bf: the thing from the Russian sleep experiment.(It's name is Kevin)

I don't think the thing from the RSE would really be able to, y'know, sustain a relatoinship?

Overall...Mary needs some serious, serious work to be a passable OC. Sorry, but you may want to consider scrapping them, and starting over from the beginning.

-M

(I'M FINALLY FINISHED WITH MY QUEUE OF CHARACTER REVIEWS! I think! If I forgot your I am so sorry, remind me in the comments.)