Accidental Angel (A NoochM FanFic)

Chapter Two

~Chapter Two~
Ninah's POV

That was a fairly subtle way to tell him how much he's helped me.

He paused, "what..? What do you mean 'saved you'?" He asked, his voice getting shaky this time.

This is a good time to tell him, right? We made enough penis jokes, a few racist jokes, he knows me well enough to know how and why I almost committed suicide, right?

I sighed, "Mat, I'm an eighteen year old girl with social anxiety, depression, and acne. I've gotten bullied all through-out my highschool and middle school years. I was called names, upon names, by people. Of course i had my friends, but i slowly isolated myself from them little by little each day. instead of telling myself that im beautiful, and that what they're saying isn't true, I began to agree with them, believing them," I paused, trying to hold back my tears, but, I couldn't I let them run down my cheeks naturally, to prove I truly was upset.

He gave the look of confusion, looking as if he was interested in what I had to say.

"Go on?" He said

"My anti-depressants made me realize what I should be feeling is pain. So, brace yourself, I cut, Mat. I slit my thighs with razors almost everyday. When I got tired of myself, I turned to something that could occupy me, and help me keep my mind off of things. That occupation was held by people on YouTube. Just in time, too. Around that time was the time I grew suicidal. You were one of them, Mat. You were one of the few people I loved more than I loved myself. I couldn't have just left this earth, and not know how a series you recorded ended. Or not see what you'd do later on. I decided that instead of leaving, and quitting, I wanted to see what you'd do in the future. Mat, that was almost three years ago. And me, being probably the luckiest girl in the world right now, I get to talk to the one whose kept me safe on this earth, indirectly. You don't understand how much you've helped me, Mat. I dont think you'll ever understand. Thank you." I wiped the tears that streamed down the sides of my cheeks. I hoped I didn't make him uncomfortable. I look at him and see he's in utter shock. He wiped his face as well, And took a deep breath. He pondered on his next words. When he chose out his words, he managed to say, "words cannot explain how shocking and heart warming that actually is. knowing you didn't commit suicide because of me, that's... That's fucking amazing. I've always loved each of my fans, but you, Ninah. You're something special. You really are. And I want you to know, I'm here for you, I'll always be here for you. Knowing I've helped you this much, this far, and I didn't even know of your existence, that upsets me. I want to be there to replace all of the time i havent, and beyond it." He said, in a shaky voice, trying his best not to break down again.

I nodded and let out a small, "okay"

He hesitated for a moment, and asked, "if you don't mind me asking, how long has it been since you've last cut?"

I hesitated, thinking of how I should honestly tell him, without upsetting him. "A few days," I cracked.

He nodded, "I'm here for you. From here on out- just hit me up, when you need me, I'll be there,"

"No, you've done so much already, just your existence keeps me going, you don't have to be there physically," I protested.

"No, I want to," he said.