Mistake ♦ Romitri

Chapter 16

Recovery was not a short process and it meant I was bedridden- again. Dimitri stayed by my side, silently, for so long but work was in the way. His bartending job was hardly enough pay, leaving it would leave us with nothing: that was nothing new.

Dimitri had stayed quiet, we never talked of what happened or talked at all. I felt like a naughty five-year-old getting a scolding, maybe that was what I deserved. Dimitri still smiled, though it never reached his eyes, and talked with his friends but never was I involved and never did it feel like he was enjoying himself. Dimitri was always stoic but that was just his walls, I had broken those; but, I had betrayed him and now those walls were back up and this time they were fortified.

I only saw it in his eyes, they were pooled with hurt and never did they shine as they did when he used to look at me. Each glance seems to send one more wave of pain onto him. Although, I can only blame myself. I tried was the one that did it, not him. He didn't believe that. He blamed himself and through those walls, however fortified, I saw the cracks.

He pushed his anger on to me but I claimed it as my own. I wanted the pain. I deserved what I got.

Dimitri didn't understand that. Didn't understand the self-loathing that pooled within me, threatening to seep through the cracks in my own self-esteem. It came with the package, the one that strained his arms. The one that he didn't want to carry anymore. He had cleared the cupboard, leaving them devoid of medication. However much I wanted to, there was nothing. He'd gone to the trouble to hide all things sharp. Knives were under lock and key along with everything down to sharpened pencils. He was being wary, he didn't want to leave me to wallow in my own sorrow. But, that's exactly what he had done. Although he could not avoid it, I had never felt so alone- lying in bed with only the ceiling as a friend. My thoughts as my enemies.

Minutes later, the lock clicked and in came the heavy footsteps only someone as tall as Dimitri could make.

'Dimitri?' I called out, my voice barely a whisper.

'Yes?' He replied, devoid of emotion. All conversation stopped there, neither one of us were ready for what was inevitably going to come so for now, we would delay it until it could be delayed no more.

I picked myself up from the stable lying position I was in to shakily sit against the wooden headboard of the bed. 'Dimitri.' I called out once again. Although, much like before, it came out no louder than a whisper- loud enough to hear through the silence of the hollow apartment.

'Yes?' He replied, mimicking the conversation -unintentionally- that we had only seconds before.

'Could I have some water.' As I spoke more, my voice became only more raspy, proving the need for water. He easily complied and left the kitchen to fill a glass. Although my voice seemed to be losing it's pride, the need for water was more for attention than anything. I may not have been ready but that did not dull my everlasting need to be by his side.

He came with a glass water less than two minutes later, handing it to me careful. My fragile hands hardly took the weight so he brought it to my lips himself, pouring the soothing water into my mouth. I drank it gladly and didn't complain as his face was only inches from mine, I enjoyed it.

'Roza.' He breathed as the water was stolen from my lips. Before he had even started, I knew what was to come. I didn't want this.

'I'm sorry.' Now, that was not what I expected. The zen life lessons came along with Dimitri and for a man of his pride, no matter the modesty, he rarely apologised for something he did not cause.

'No, Dimitri. Never apologise. Through the short while we have known each other, you have done nothing but good for me! You know that! What I did...it was my fault. Never, I mean never, blame yourself.' I lay myself back down, already exhausted. Dimitri just looked ashamed, the guilt still framing his face. To compensate, I brought a fragile hand to his cheek, caressing it gently. He leaned into my touch but stood up soon after, breaking the moment. 'Roza.' He breathed, missing out the words we both knew he was about to say: we can't.

'I know.' I murmured, still missing his touch. We lay in a peaceful silence, slowly forgiving each other for everything. And although we didn't know, we were gradually coming closer and closer until Dimitri had his arm wrapped around my waist as he sat comfortably next to me on the small bed.

'I missed you.' I whispered, burying my head into his shoulder. And although I could hardly hear it, I was sure I heard a 'me too'.

We stared blankly at the wall for hours after that, sneaking glances at each other- reveling in one another. Our love was toxic, it was strong, we had a faith in each other that one could normally only have in God himself, not that I was strongly religious.

I began to notice the small things. Dimitri's delicate fingers stroking my hair as I drew swirls and circles on his stomach where his t-shirt had ridden up: revealing his subtly toned abs.

It made me forget, it let me forget the bad, the good. I was focused on only Dimitri and that was enough to put a smile on my face. I could pretend it wasn't forbidden, wrong. For now, it was right. It was right to me.

A/N: Sorry for the shorter update but I wanted this out there and I loved the ending to this chapter so enjoy this, horrifically late, update!

+SONG RECOMENDATION OF THE UPDATE: the words- Christina Perri

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