Mistake ♦ Romitri

Chapter 28

The house was rather silent for a Sunday evening. Rose was scrolling through her phone, finally beginning to enjoy the perks of having the glass brick in her hand. Dimitri, on the other hand, seemed to be continuously stirring his coffee, not stopping despite it being well stirred by now- if that was even a thing.

Rose opened her messaging app only to find a message sent days before that she hadn't had the time to notice.

Adrian:

Rose, I didn't mean to do that to you. I was drunk, again. I'm...trying to get off all of that. But, I'm still sorry I did that to you. That was me not the drink and I know that doesn't make you forgive me but at least it's an explanation. Dimitri will be mad, can you tell him that I really am trying to stop? He doesn't seem to believe me.

Adrian.

My eyes flew open. Adrian? Apologising? It seemed unreal but nonetheless sent a smile to my face. I typed back to say all was forgiven when Dimitri peered over my back. 'You're forgiving him?' And, in that simple question, I began to doubt myself. It was Dimitri's speciality actually. He would give a simple question and suddenly, doubt. You would think over your decisions and in turn became much less rash.

Now, sitting there, I didn't understand why I was forgiving Adrian at all. Did I just want to comply in forgiving him and move on? Or, maybe, it was the mention of the alcohol changing his mindset? I could relate to that one. I wasn't sure anymore and as Dimitri rested his head on the backrest, just above where mine was, I began to ponder whether it was worth it or not.

I could see the smugness in Dimitri's expression, though, and out of defiance and I tapped the button that would fix it all. Send. I snickered at Dimitri's shock, almost invisible on his features and walked away to my room to have some privacy.

'Rose!' I heard my name be called and I sighed, stalking out of my room to face Dimitri whose arms were crossed and eyebrows furrowed. 'Why did you forgive him? After what happened when you came back I didn't expect it to be that easy.' His usual relaxed posture had become stiff and tall, making him loom over me as if he was a skyscraper. I gulped nervously but held my head high. Defiance was key in forgetting about Dimitri. That was my aim, right? I wasn't sure anymore. It had been so long, I didn't understand what had caused all this.

Maybe it was the withdrawal symptoms that often crept up on me. I hated it. I believed I acted so irrationally, so logically, yet, in reality, I was a mess- in simple terms.

That's why, the next day, talking to Mason I finally brought the topic up that I had promised Dimitri I wouldn't. 'Hey, Mase?' His head flew up, his red hair flopping over the side of his head. He nodded, gesturing for me to carry on. 'How would you feel about getting us some booze for a two man party?' I smirked, leaning forward, my head resting on my arms.

Mason replied simply with a nod and a smirk. I knew this would happen. I was worried, that was for sure, but I couldn't hold back any longer. I was excited, too. Somewhere within me had been wishing for this for a long time. Even when I had promised to get off the drink.

Maybe, just another part of me wanted to defy Dimitri. But, that still didn't explain why. I had no 'why'. I just did. I was impulsive, rash and indescribably irritating. Dimitri was in his late twenties yet he was managing to bring up a girl with a horrendous condition all whilst trying to earn both a living and a future.

I don't understand, now, why I did what I did. I couldn't, can't, remember the rationale behind it- the reason. It's all a jumble of memories, now. It's one large, messy cloud, floating through the sky, passing by, never to be seen again.

Mason, with a glint in his eye, stood up, drawing my attention. 'I have a drink with me already.' I gaped at Mason, a wide smile on my face as I stood up and began to pace to the outside of the school grounds. We still had classes but they no longer matter, after weeks of withdrawal, I wanted some- needed some.

Mason shot me a concerned look which I shrugged off and continued to walk, although still rather fast, and continued towards the forest. The forest was what surrounded the school and was the perfect location for students to hide. Many had used it for parties despite being continuously found by the school.

The school didn't accept boarders but that didn't mean people were not allowed to stay until late and that just meant the students had to extend school hours and sit in the forest, bottles in hand and have a ball. That was what student life was.

But, when Mason and I found ourselves in the forest- it was empty. It was school times, after all, and few people risked being caught by the teachers after they were found skiving. Despite the school having an incredibly large campus, teachers had learnt spots that skivers fled to and found them within five minutes of leaving. But, I didn't care. Five minutes was all I needed. One swig of the mysterious liquid in Mason's backpack and it would all be over. My reform would be over and I could be myself again. Or, at least, what I believed was myself.

'To us!' Mason cheered, holding out his newly poured glass. The liquid was clear and I had no intention of asking what it was. It was alcohol, that was the single fact I needed to know. And, as I took my first chug, that feeling of bliss returned. That increasingly difficult climb up the mountain had finished, yet, I hadn't ended up at the top. I had found myself back at the start again.

I had found the cheat's way out but I didn't care. I no longer cared about a thing. I was free again. I was free of work, of torture, of life. But, I also found myself free of opportunity, change. I was lost now. Lost is only good for a moment. Soon enough you realise, safety is enjoyed for a reason.

word count: 1099

published: 31.03.17