Mistake ♦ Romitri

Chapter 24

The drive home was excruciatingly quiet- silent, in fact. Although it was no different on the way to the office, this was worse.

I could see Dimitri begging me to talk with his eyes alone. He had stayed quiet as if to give me space; he had seen my fallen face as I entered the waiting room.

I wanted to speak, I really did, but I couldn't gather any words that would portray it right.

I wasn't sad, disappointed maybe but disappointed in what? I had nothing to be disappointed about. Maybe it was the failure of the session itself but then again a first session wasn't going to come out with any outcome most likely but you have to have a first session. It served its purpose just fine yet somewhere I felt that this was all wrong. I didn't belong in therapy or at least I believed so.

When we arrived back at the apartment, the silence was still weighing down on both of us. 'Rose, you have to speak at some point.' Dimitri pushed, falling onto the sofa. I stood behind him, resting my arms on the backrest, remaining silent. 'Rose, please.' He begged, burying his head in his hands. 'I can't do this anymore, this silence- everything.' He sighed.

'I don't want to speak just yet.' I spoke, walking away- that was as much as I had to say.

'Rose, stop.' He stood up from his spot, turning only his head to face me. 'Just speak today and you never have to speak again. I can't read your mind nor can I send you back there if it causes you pain.'

I paused by the doorframe and looked back to him. I nodded slowly and went to sit on the sofa, next to where Dimitri had just sat down again.

'Why do you want me to talk so badly?' I asked, crossing my arms, my lips pursed into a thin line.

'You know exactly why, Rose. We need to talk.' I sighed, resting my head on his shoulder.

'I know. I just don't want to.' I sighed, shutting my eyes as if to block out the world for just a second. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and brought me even closer.

'I'm sorry for sending you there.' He began but I never let him finished. I pulled away immediately, the situation becoming tenser than before.

'Never apologise to me, Dimitri. You have done nothing worse. You saved me, I still owe you. I know you regret saying that but it's true. I owe you everything and going there could have helped but I think we can both tell that it was only an ideal. I can tell already that it will change nothing.'

Dimitri nodded, bringing me back to him again, the tension slowly seeping for us again. 'I want you to try school, Rose. I know that you don't want to, it's your own choice, I already said I would not force you into anything. I think it would be best, though.' I listened calmly, never interrupting.

His logic made sense and I had nothing to deny that he was correct. 'I will do it but we have to sort some things out first.' I stated, meeting his gaze. I wouldn't back down now. It had not taken me long to decide. As soon as he had said it in that voice, I had caved.

I had argued with myself for a while now but I was sure of myself; like the therapist, I would try. 'Rose, you need to think this through.' I shook my head.

'I have.' I stated, looking up at him once again. 'We've found a perfect school and it won't cost you any more money than you're already spending. I'll try it and I can pull out if it goes wrong. There is no point in not trying.' He nodded, he understood me just as well as I understood him.

'This seems too simple.' He stated, leaning his head on mine.

'That's good, we need simple in this mess.' I smiled, trying to bring light to this all.

We had been in the dark for so long, we needed to be free. It wouldn't last long but you only had to bask in the sunlight for a second to feel content.

'What's happened to us lately. It's like we've lost ourselves in this mess. A mess that was created but nothing but insecurity. I've just caused you pain. I still don't understand why you took me in.'

Dimitri small smile dropped as he brought my face to turn back to his as I averted my gaze.

'Don't you dare believe that I regret this.' He said, leaning in but stayed always at least an inch away. We promised ourselves we would never go further.

'Are we wrong?' I suddenly blurted, breaking the moment.

'Wrong?' He asked, it was clear that my question held no real value as of itself.

'Us. This.' I motioned between the two of us. 'Are we wrong because of what we feel.' I looked down to the ground and suddenly it felt as if I had let all of my issues out into the open.

'No.' He stated. 'We just found each other at the wrong time for that but I will never, never, regret finding you.' He was blunt in his words but it warmed my heart to hear him say it. It was as if he was stitching up my heart. I knew the thread was not strong but it would hold me together for the time being and that was all I needed.

I could get through the day and I couldn't believe that just talking had lifted that weight from my shoulders.

The therapist had failed yet Dimitri had managed to fill in that gap.

I would be okay.

I would definitely be okay.

But then again, just a few words would never fix everything. My self-esteem was as low as it could be and that would take years to fix. That didn't mean it was impossible but many things took time and this was just one of them.

word count: 1000

published: 4.03.17