Mistake ♦ Romitri

Chapter 30

Two weeks passed and neither of us said a word. I hadn't spoken to Dimitri nor had I spoken to Mason- or anyone else for that matter. I had suffered in silence. Dimitri was hardly different from me; I could see the pain in his eyes. He still blamed himself.

His friends had visited- Lissa, Chris and Mia. And, he had been polite enough to make small talk, even make a drink or two but never did he speak when I was in his presence. He waited until I was out of sight- and, even then, his words were minimal. That didn't mean I hadn't heard his words, though. He simply hadn't known I was there. And, it was becoming clearer, that his friends- our friends- were beginning to worry. But, never could they pry an answer from us. We could ignore them just as well as we could ignore each other.

I had been holed up in my room for days and left it for the rare occasion of school. I didn't often go anymore and my attendance was falling rapidly. I had been called in for it once or twice after that, Dimitri speaking for the first time in my presence: it was only to defend himself for my absence. Tasha let him go, either way, it was only required of her to talk to us. Punishment never ensued. It was explained that I had been feeling ill and it was left at that. Nothing more had to be said.

It was true too. I had been feeling ill. Ill at the prospect of leaving. Ill at the prospect of leaving my room. I had become blank. I did nothing, I said nothing. I had no aspiration, no goals. I was simply there- nothing more and nothing less.

Two weeks later and we finally were sat in the same room. Only for convenience, really, we simply both loved the sofa. We would just have to bear each other's presence. 'Rose.' Dimitri sighed, pulling me from my reverie as he sat next to me on the sofa. I pulled my gaze to him, stunned. It seemed unreal for him to address me like this. It had been a long time since he had spoken in my presence, even longer since he had even addressed me.

I hummed in response, staring back into the cup of hot chocolate in my hand, blowing on it gently. Dimitri looked tense and I wasn't in the mood for another argument. 'I want to apologise.' I turned to him once again, more stunned than the last time. I was curious, now. What did he have to apologise for? This was me but, of course, he still blamed himself.

'I shouted at you and I had no good reason to. I was just worried, Rose.' He buried his hands in his hair and leant forward. I shot him a look of pity but let him continue without interruption. 'I also wanted to tell you, before she tells you, Tasha and I...we're together.' I was about to speak of but Dimitri flung his gaze towards me. 'No, Rose. Please don't argue. I know why you're angry. But, we have to move past this. This game has gone on too long. I've done a lot of bad things involving you, Rose. But, this isn't one of them. I think this will be good...for the both of us.' I glared, not saying a word.

Tasha. He had picked f*cking Natasha Ozera- my teacher. Ironic really. I was seven years younger, I wouldn't be surprised if she was seven years older. 'You're actually serious, aren't you?' I asked in disbelief. It couldn't be true. This wasn't real. This wasn't happening.

'I am, Rose. You know what I feel for you, don't think that's changed. But...you're still seventeen. If that isn't a sign, I don't know what is.' I could see Dimitri's words stab him like a knife. They were more painful for him than they were for me.

The silence after that lasted minutes. Neither of us minded, we had so much to think through. Me more than him. 'I'm sorry.' I blurted, bringing his attention back to me. 'This is all my fault. I've stopped you from being happy for so long. I can't...I've been a b*tch.' I laughed humorously at myself.

'No, that's not true.'

'Yes, it is. Dimitri, you can't deny it. I've been a burden since the start. You're still in your twenties and here you are, having had adopted a seventeen-year-old alcoholic into your home. You're the best I could have ever wished for. You need to stop blaming yourself. I'm mad, don't think that I'm not. But, I understand.' I let out a sigh, leaning back into my chair, leaving Dimitri looking as if he were at a loss for words.

'Thank you.' He smiled so gently that I couldn't help but feel those feelings I used to feel. I still loved him. He had just confirmed that he still loved me. But, it was no less allowed. That was just how cruel life was.

'I just want you to be happy.' In a bold move, I leant my head on his shoulder and cuddled into his side, missing the warmth I had once often had. I didn't care that we weren't together. I didn't care that there was another woman in his life. This was us. This is what I had been denying myself for so long. Throughout all the arguments, the pain, I had begun to ignore him more and more until it pained me more than it did him. I held unneeded hatred. And now, I was free of that burden. He had moved on and although I hadn't, he was happy. Or, at least, I hoped he was. I had to let him have his own life. It couldn't revolve around me.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and he pulled me closer, my hot chocolate now placed carefully on the table. I smiled brightly at him and as he looked back down at me, his smile equally bright, it felt as if all was forgiven. We cared about each other too much to care about the past. We could keep having arguments, keep fighting but, somewhere in the fray, we would always have these moments.

word count: 1050

published: 03.04.17