What I Couldn't Tell Him

13 - I Don't Think So

JAIMIE PERRON

I didn't speak at all for the rest of yesterday. My mum didn't even look twice as I went straight up the stairs after school. Not that I expected her to.

As I sat on my bed, I made sure my curtains were shut and that he wouldn't look.

I have been worried about today. I have finally done what I said I would; become anonymous. There will be no more curious glances, witty comebacks or friends. Especially no more late-night excursions.

That was the plan, but do plans ever happen how you want? Not in high school.

I stepped out of my house, bag on my shoulder. I held a cup of coffee to warm my hands and for a much-needed caffeine boost. Alden was straddled over his bike, dark hair falling over his eye. I turned out of the driveway to evade his gaze.

"Do you want a lift?" He asks me, over the hum of his bike engine. I turn around and smile. I have a little tingle in my stomach when he looks at me and his hair flops artfully on his forehead.

"No thanks."

"It's cold. Come on." He pressures. I try to keep up the smile, but the cold is freezing my hands and I can't hide it. He looks surprised by my nonchalance.

"Will, you just get on the goddamn bike?" I sigh and walk over. I mumble a thank you. We both ignore the subject that has created a deep rift between us, which in my opinion, is for the better.

I don't touch him and get off quickly. I mumble another thanks and rush into the building before he can catch me. I have found my locker and thought that I was sufficiently isolated when Jordan clears his throat behind me.

"Hi, Jaimie." He greets me, to make me face him. I prepare myself and turn around with a questioning look on my face.

"Hi, Jordan. What's up?" I ask casually, not really meeting his eyes.

"I could ask you the same thing." He says, suspicion evident in his tone. I want to groan at the cliche but that wouldn't reinforce my lie.

"What?" I ask in faked confusion instead.

"I really don't know. One day you're in a banter war with Alden, the next you run off. You missed the game too, Brooklyn and Alden thought you'd be there. What happened Jaimie?" He pushes. I close my locker, furrow my eyebrows and chew my lip to look thoughtful. I completely forgot about the game and I hope they weren't disappointed.

"I didn't run off. I forgot about that homework, you know for history. I was at the back of the lunch tables finishing it." I answer with a slight shrug.

"I thought he looked for you there," Jordan mutters to himself. He turns on his heel and walks off down the hall, lips twisted in thought.

I sigh and lean against my locker. Who looked for me? Alden? I doubt it, that would be a huge blow to his pride. I didn't think he cared that much.

I walk away, out of focus and deep in thought. I turn a corner and stop, thinking I heard someone call my name. I don't hear anything else and carry on down the hall, oblivious.

ALDEN WOLFF

Jordan came to see me as soon as I stepped off my bike. We stay in the car park and talk.

"I found Jaimie this morning. She was by her locker." He tells me. I look at him hopefully and start into the school building. He stops me.

"She walked off. I don't know where she is now." He explains. I sigh and slump on my bike.

"What did she say?" I ask him. I don't know if I want to hear the answer. I only have two days, including this one, but it feels like there is something else at stake. I liked spending time with her in the forest. I don't want to lose that too, though she made it clear it meant nothing to her. It meant nothing to me either, I remind myself.

"Said she was doing homework at the lunch tables." He says, unconvinced. I look at him in confusion.

"I looked there," I answer. She definitely wasn't.

He shrugs.

"Nevermind. Probably wants some peace and quiet." He jokes, shoving my arm. I laugh but I'm not thinking about that. She was right and it made me insecure. I hurt her just to keep up an image and she was so right; bullcrap. Now she's gone and it's my fault.

"You want one?" Jordan offers me a cigarette. I feel the urge, the hunger and the tightness, but I shake my head.

"No. Maybe later?" My voice is tight like my body is disagreeing. He looks at me strangely.

"Okay." He answers slowly. His eyes follow me, eyebrows furrowed, as I walk away. I wander into the school building.

I feel a strange light-headedness' but ignore it. Despite Jordan, I am desperate to find her and put it right. I am not known for my apologetic nature, so I don't know what to do. I need some direction.

The bell rings around the building and I realise that I didn't need to look; she is in my class.

I get to the classroom, hoping that an unexpected cliche wont mean she has changed sets. I walk in.

"Alden. I'm surprised. You haven't been on time to one of my classes before." Mr Anderson comments. I see a spare table and walk towards it.

"Oh, I don't think so." He stops me and ushers me to a desk right at the front, with nobody else at it. I sit down and sigh, hurling my bag at the floor.

I am digging through my bag and pull out my book when Jaimie walks in, eyes lowered, fringe falling over her face. She smiles at someone at the back of the room and walks past me without flinching. I turn, as inconspicuously as I can, and see her sat next to Lucy. Her eyes meet mine through a curtain of blue hair and she scowls. I turn quickly.

"Rebecca, sit next to Alden for today." Mr Anderson points next to me a little brunette girl with pointed ears sinks into the seat next to me, reflecting the sequins off her top on the table.

"Hi!" She squeaks. I nod and open my book, scrawling down the date in rough handwriting.

"Your writing is so cool!" She says, her voice is very high pitched.

"Thanks...."

I write in silence, hoping that the lesson will end and that Rebecca will stop talking. Eventually, the bell reverberates around the room and everyone slides off their seats and out of the door. Jaimie and Lucy are gone before I have even stood up. Rebecca offers me her phone number and I drop it in the bin on my way past. I hear a whimper behind me. Oops.

I catch sight of her flowing blonde hair and Lucy's tall frame. I shove through the crowds and am a matter of meters behind when I lose her again. I cant see her now.

I sigh and turn back, on the way to my next class. Maybe it is not worth it. She is just another girl. She is becoming more of a friend and that is not a bad thing, I suppose. I don't want her to be isolated, to sit alone on a bench somewhere. I want to be with her.