What I Couldn't Tell Him

31 - Dont Make An *ss Of Yourself

ALDEN WOLFF

Jaimie sits close to me, more than a friendly distance apart. I have kissed her twice and she has teased me too, that doesn't help the nerves though.

This isn't how you're supposed to feel with a girlfriend. Your just supposed to like them, then ask them and they undoubtedly say yes. I'm not supposed to be worrying about whether that guy that was flirting with her has better abs than me, or if my hair is a mess. I'm supposed to walk over and she melts at my feet.

"Jaimie?" I say, interrupting her thoughtful silence. She was scratching the chipped red polish on her fingernail and staring ahead, eyes glazed.

"What happened?" I feel like I should ask, because it will play in her mind until she tells me.

"Are you sure you want to know? I know you dont know her that well and its a big thing..." She hesitates. The way she turned to face me makes me think that that is what she wants.

"I'm sure." I motion for her to follow me to the sofa, so I can sit next to her not over her shoulder.

She sits down, cross legged. She faces me as I lean against the arm of the sofa, legs dangling over the edge.

"It was just after I said I was going to see her. I went to the front and there was this woman there." Her eyebrows furrowed in thought, "She said that she knew Jenni. I didn't just go with her obviously, but she showed me the qualifications and stuff."

She pauses and starts to braid a little bit of her hair absentmindedly. I watch her intently as she carries on.

"And the women in the office knew her, the secretary's knew her. I went with her. She is a social worker. She said that..." She pauses straining to remember.

"I'm paraphrasing; she said that she hadn't come out of her room and they needed my help. I thought Lucy should come but she was ill. We got there and there were so many people. They all started banging on the door and shouting at her. I got them to go downstairs; I shouted at them actually. Then I called Lucy and she came in like ten minutes."

I don't know where this is headed to how she ended up in hospital, but I am gripping the edge of my seat to restrain myself from reaching out and hugging her. She can handle this, and she doesn't need that from me. She doesn't really need anything from me. I have always been stronger than the stupid hoes that I have done, but she is amazing.

"They hadn't thought of it. She couldn't get out, she hadn't eaten or drank anything and it was scary, you know? We broke down the door and she was there. She had been sick everywhere and she was really ill. She was so... pale."

She looks up at me. I put a hand on her leg and squeeze it. She smiles weakly, her face became pale as she spoke. It is difficult to relive for her but she does it anyway.

"She wasn't good and she was wretching. It was her mum... She was pregnant. A one night stand or something even though she's married. She aborted it. Jenni was disgusted and she said she wants to leave."

I dont stop myself because I can't. I don't need to lean over because she shuffles, stretching out her legs and putting her head on my shoulder. I stroke her hair while she sighs, releasing the tension.

"You cant tell anyone." She mutters, and I swell with pride knowing that she trusts me enough. I will keep her trust no matter what.

"I won't, I promise."

We are silent for a long time. Jaimie doesn't move, comfortable. I dont mind at all, although I would rather finish what she started. I can't believe she did that. She was so f*cking good at it too. I really was waiting, and the adrenaline... F*ck. I need to get a grip.