What I Couldn't Tell Him

5 - She Didn't Turn Up

ALDEN POV

I'm bored. If Jaimie was in this class I wouldn't be bored.

I haven't seen her since maths, when she landed herself in detention with me, by trying to get me out of it. I still smile slightly. Sounds like a win.

I sit, bored, as Shawn perseveres with his explanation of something to do with chemistry, which I am clearly not listening to.

"Do you get it now?" He pushes.

"Yeah, thanks mate," I answer him dully. He rolls his eyes.

The bell rings and cuts the teacher off mid-sentence. We are out of the door before he can resume it.

I slide along the bannister instead of volunteering to have my lungs collapsed by the surging crowd.

"Alden! Get down!" An authoritative voice commands me. P*ss off.

"Sorry, sir!" I laugh, jumping down.

I shoulder barge through the door into detention. The teacher usually comes to collect the kids in detention, but I am here so frequently I don't need guiding. I bet they had to drag Jaimie here.

Immediately, I search the room for her. It is only a small classroom, with the walls washed a dull pistachio colour and the most disgusting curtains I have ever seen. She isn't there.

I convince the pathetic part of me that is disappointed that she is late. Still get some alone time with her, time to work on  my dare.

I sling my bag on the plastic seat, my usual spot. I don't get a book out, I just sit watching the clock. I have half an hour left.

As far as the twins know, this is when school finishes. I don't want to set a sh*tty example for them. I can imagine them, walking home in the cold. Ty is probably teasing Erin about something and she will shove his little shoulder. I really am a terrible brother. I should be picking them up from school.

It's clear now. She hasn't turned up. I feel like she stood me up for some reason. Like her chivalry wasn't real. Also I'm missing some great opportunities to charm her.

"Miss Perron?" The teacher calls out.

"She didn't turn up." I hiss slightly. I know that I could've pretended she was ill, got her out of trouble. I am hurt that she didn't come. It is completely irrational, but I can't help it. Like we were in this together somehow. Maybe the babysitting was very urgent.

"Okay. That's next week too then." He mumbles, and my chest tightens with guilt. Too late now.

"Dismissed."

I speed out of the school. Ty and Erin are waiting in the kitchen for me when I get back.

"Hey Al!" Erin giggles. She is the only person allowed to call me that. I grin at her and toss her over my shoulder. Mum is out, of course.

Ty is on his phone, as usual.

"Hey man." I greet him. He nods. I chuckle. He is such a teenager, even though hes only little.

"Al? Can we have pizza?" Erin pleads.

"Why are we celebrating?"

"I got twenty out of twenty in my spellings test, and one of the words was 'necessary'." She smirks, showing the gap in her front teeth. She widens her chocolate brown eyes at me.

"Well done!" I high five her and she grins proudly.

"Go on then, what do you want?" She cheers and Ty actually looks up from his phone.

They order and I add mine too. I go upstairs to have a bit of quiet. They can be quite demanding.

I throw myself onto the bed, the sheets are crumpled and there is a bra on the floor. I shudder.

I think of Jaimie suddenly. I wonder if she is really out, or skipped just because she could.

I peer out of the window and her driveway is empty of cars.

I sigh. I sort of wanted a conversation with someone my age. I open the door to air my room, which I admit smells of cigarette smoke.

It was Jordan who made me do it. He was having one and, never one to back down from a challenge, I took it. I felt sick at first then felt the surge of sickening guilt. After that, I couldn't stop. I know what it means, but there is something about the defiance of rules that shapes a person.

I have tried to stop, but have never had the motivation. Because I've been educated and guilt-tripped so many times, I'm now stubborn about it. They're part of my identity, and if you don't like it, fuck you. They're my lungs to blacken, and my life to waste.

I hear a rumble of an engine. I scan the road and see a slim sliver car pull into Jaimie's. She's back.

I watch as she steps out. Her face is pale as a sheet but she has a taut smile plastered on her face.

A woman, her mother, steps out too. Her hair, blonde like Jaimie's, hangs in front of her face looking dry and frizzy. (Jaimie's is soft and golden, hanging around her face when its loose.) Her mother's eyes are dull and lethargic. Her posture has a sort of resignation about it.

She says something, her mouth curled into a tight frown. I don't know what it was, but it makes Jaimie tense. She replies and walks purposefully into the house without turning. Her mother sighs and follows her.

I hear shouting ten minutes later and look out of my room again. The pizza hasn't arrived as yet.

I see Jaimie's elegant frame through the downstairs window, one hand curled around a panhandle and the other on her forehead. She was cooking something and drops the handle before storming into her room. Her mother picks up the pan and plates up whatever she was making. I can't see anymore, as she draws the curtains. Jaimie's curtains are already closed, but I hear a slamming door and know she is in her room.

The doorbell rings and I go to attend to my own life, rather than spy on hers.

We eat the pizza, Erin daintily, Tyler like a pig, and I barely touch it.

I feel bad. She might have been a dick, but I booked her an extra detention and she already seems a bit unhappy.

I set them down with a movie, after doing responsible things like washing their clothes. I go back upstairs.

There is a gap in Jaimie's curtains. I can see her on her bed. She is crying. Silently and alone. I feel the guilt again.