What I Couldn't Tell Him

43 - Get your soppy *ss in school

ALDEN WOLFF

I woke up to an ache in my neck, stiffening my whole body. I winced, rubbing it. Then, as the blurred images sorted themselves into washed out pastel furniture and a bed stiffer than my muscles, all of my memory came back. I am in Jaimie's ward, in the ICU surrounded by doctors who have no hope left in them. 

She looks beautiful. It shouldn't be possible, but she manages it; hair twisted neatly and strong, elegant arms crossed over her chest.  

Yet she is not herself. She is too frail and still. She should be fidgeting. I know that she sleeps on her side, covers pulled up to her neck. She does not sleep like a porcelain doll. I talk to her anyway, because I need to pretend that she is still her.

"Good morning," I watch her, teasing a lock of hair out of the coil by her face, "I hope you slept better than I did."

"Jen spoke to a lawyer yesterday," I cant talk about myself yet, "Apparently it went well. Brooklyn went with her."

"I dont know where Lucy is. She disappeared yesterday. Jen said she mentioned something about a dive in town, but I dont know."

I have so many things I want to tell her about me, and us. I can't bring myself to do it, because I don't want  to cry. I try anyway.

"Erin wants to see you. And Tyler. I guess I do too." 

I just watch her for a while longer. I am lucky that I got to spend any time with her.  I dont deserve a single word exchanged with someone so amazing, but I managed six months. She is like a drug; taking the pain out of everything while she is with you, but making you sick when she is not. 

"I wish I had the chance to say thank you. And sorry. I was too nervous and stupid to talk to you, but I was an idiot. You were right about everything.  I should never have smoked or lied or... Thanks for being the one to tell  me that. You changed my life in  six months. We were lucky you came here."

I step  away from her  bed and setlle back down on the chair. I spent  the rest of the morning  watching her.

JENNI

"Have you been here all night?" Alden shrugs but the inky shadows under his eyes betray the answer.

"They let you stay?" I ask and he nods.

"They didn't have a choice." He says with a half-assed smirk.

"Go home. She will understand. In  fact, she would probably flay you alive for staying. You know what she is like." I grin, gesturing towards the door. We are stood outside her room while the doctor checks another useless, daunting machine. 

"I am not going anywhere." He protests, barely having the energy to pull himself up to his full, six foot something height.

"Dont be daft. At least get a coffee, or an energy drink. Or both." 

"I don't want to leave her-"

"I will be there. Have a shower while you are at it." I pinch my nose and waft my hand in front of my face dramatically, before shoving him and his insulted, tired body down the hall.

I walk in after the doctor, scanning her statuesque body and delicate, sleeping face.

"Hey Jaimie."

ALDEN WOLFF

I stumble towards the foyer, still using the momentum Jenni gave me. I would've collapsed by now otherwise.

I slot some coins into the machine, punching in the nunbers. The dark liquid trickles down the side of the cup and I shove it to the side, getting the thick, calorific gloop on my hand. I pick it up when the machine has stopped huming and vomiting the coffee out.