What I Couldn't Tell Him

27 - Suddenly a Gentleman

JAIMIE PERRON

"Im bored of dare. Lets play a new game; 20 questions?" Brooklyn suggests after a few moments of silence in the group. The dates got stupid, and Brooklyn just finished failing to scale a tree at the edge of the park and they ran out of things to do. Questions make me nervous. I haven't told them very much and I cant tell them more. They could ask the wrong question, as innocent as it sounds, and trigger something. My tenseness makes me realises how much I'd relaxed into Alden before, now that I've pulled away and my shoulders have gone stiff.

"Do we have to?" Alden says, words tickling my neck. He's loosened his grip, leaving back away from me.  I hope the darkness hides my frown.

"Yes. Yes we do. Because I didn't bring any weed and I'm getting bored." 

Brooklyn shuffles over, whispering something in a hushed tone that I cant hear. Alden shakes his head, angling a stern glare back at him, but his protests go unacknowledged.

"I'll go first!" Jordan hollers. His eyes wander to me and I stiffen. Alden notices and releases me more, mistaking my nerves for discomfort. He's barely touching me now and I'm colder.

"Sorry." He mutters.

"It, um, wasn't that." I stumble back. He makes a noise that sounds like "oh?", and closes in on me again, pausing, then drifting back away. I don't know if that's nervousness or discomfort on his part. 

"Jaimie! Where did you live before?"

"Come on, that's such a boring question. I swear I've already told you this." I answer. It was a lie last time, and I cant risk inconsistencies. I cant tell them where it was really. They could find out about me, it was in the paper.

"Oh, yeah. Erm... What was your last boyfriends name?" He corrects himself. Now Alden stiffens, and after a moment, his hands settle, fingers either side of my hips. I hold my breath and try my hardest not to do anything silly.

"Oh, uh, Ryan." I answer. I wince at the mention of an old name, scrubbing the image of soft red hair and blue eyes from my head. It was only a short amount of time, and it certainly wasn't serious but it still hurts. It's not so much the loss of him as the loss of this other timeline, this other me. All the years I thought I had back when he had me. 

"Oooh, Ryan." He winks at me and I scowl. He tilts his head towards Alden so I shrug lightly, pretending not to understand.

"Brooklyn. Have you ever had an actual girlfriend?" I joke and he goes red.

"Come on! No hesitating."

"Yes. In sixth grade." He murmurs, voice almost drowned out by the tapping of Jordan's foot.

"What was her name?" Jordan probes.

"One question!" Brooklyn protests. He tucks his hands into his pockets and looks around the circle.

"Alden. When was the last time you had a hookup?" He looks at me when he speaks. I stare back, blank as I can. Alden is stiff again, hands still hot and holding me close.

"About... I don't know, a couple of months." He answers quietly. He leans away from me and I take a second, a light breath, then place a hand on top of his gently. He leans forward again,  then he rests his chin on my shoulder. He's warm.

I can pick up his changes in mood from the tiny shifts in contact and it worries me that he can do the same. I am close enough to worry he can see what I am thinking; wandering thoughts that might embarrass me and ruin the strange friendship between us. I know he can't  but it is a thought all the same.

"Jordan, who did you sleep with yesterday?" Alden asks without hesitation. Now Jordan looks embarrassed, flushed with colour.

"I dont know."