What I Couldn't Tell Him

22 - Thanks. For Everything.

JAIMIE PERRON

To me, the drive was slow and quiet. Eventually, we make it to our street. I suggest my house since the twins are probably asleep. I look at the clock on the dashboard; half eleven.

The street is cut into sections by the glow of the street lights and the car flashes in and out of brightness. The neat road is eerie in the night, the homely glow from windows are gone and the topiaries loom like creatures in the dark.

We pull up, the rumbling engine sputtering out, and walk toward my front door.

I turn the key and it swings open. I flick on the light and Alden shuffles awkwardly in the doorway.

"Come in, there's nobody home." I chuckle and he walks in after me. I don't know why he's suddenly shy.

ALDEN WOLFF

I have only been in Jaimie's house when we were sneaking out, and it was dark and we were in too much of a rush for me to look around.

Lit now by the yellow glow of the lamps, I am surprised. The rooms are mostly white or cream, with grey and muted colours. It doesn't match Jaimie's room at all, with the artistic murals and posters. Her mum and her clearly have clashing views about more than one thing.

I am curious about the rest of the house, the more personal spaces. I think it would be stepping over the line to have a good look around.

"Do you want some food?" She asks from the kitchen, with creme cupboards and decorative dinnerware. She clashes with it.

"Erm... Yes please." I mentally reprimand myself for the sheepishness. I don't know why.

"Okay. Is pizza okay?" She calls back.

"Yeah, thanks."

I loiter in the front room, noticing the lack of family photographs again. They must have known people in California, so why are they just forgetting them? It's not that far, they could visit.

Jaimie comes in with a plate of pizza and some lemonade.

"You can sit down you know." She teases me. I nod and flush again. I haven't been to many peoples houses, other than Jordan and Brooklyn and Shawn. It doesn't work like that with the usual girls and I am a little awkward. More than a little.

I sit down and she takes a piece first. I wait for her and have a piece myself. It is so good. I am hopeless at making dinner for Ty and Erin, so this is amazing.

"This is so nice. I'm crap at cooking." I laugh. She smiles and leans back on the armchair.

"Do you cook for the twins too?"

"Yeah." I thought she'd have more questions about them than this. I was worried when she came to the door. I thought she would be interrogating me by now, asking why I never told her.

Then again, there are plenty of things she hasn't told me.

She takes the plate out when we are both finished, and I look around again while she tidied up. I remember vaguely what her mum looks like, from when they argued in the house. I feel guilty again, I should've comforted her.

I don't see anything that could give you a clue about who lives here; no interesting novels, magazines, photos or decoration. It is completely empty of personality.

It is only Jaimie's room that has anything other than Magnolia walls and frilly throws. It strikes me then how temporary Jaimie's room is. The murals are straight on the wall, they could be wallpapered over in a day. The posters are stuck on with blue tack. There is nothing fixed to the floor, just a bed and cupboards and a beanbag. She could leave and not even have to tidy up.

She said she was from California, no specific place. There are no friends or stories like she stayed for a month and forgot them all. Maybe she is going to move again and not tell anyone.

She comes back in with some sweets and puts them on the table. I thank her quietly and feel suddenly wary. She wouldn't do that, would she?

I pretend not to have noticed anything and we talk like normal.

"Well done, earlier." She congratulates me. I have to admit that I would have played well if she hadn't come. I was watching her all the time, feeling like I had to impress her. When she told me to, I could.

"Thanks." I take another sweet and suck on it, while she picks a movie on the tv. She chooses a horror movie.

We watch without talking, occasionally reaching for the sweets. I notice that she picks out the green ones and puts the orange ones back in the bowl. Jaimie isn't even tense, watching it like a comedy. I have only watched horror movies with the boys and they sh*t themselves every time.

"Alden?" She pauses the film and stares at me intently, "I don't know if this is a really personal question but... Are you doing okay without the cigarettes?"

I struggle to find the words. She was very abrupt and her tone is soft like she feels it's her fault.

"No, I'm fine."

She nods and leans on her elbows.

When she leans back she sighs.

"Sorry. I just feel bad about it. I shouldn't have said that to you-"

Then I stop her, not wanting her to carry on.

"You were right," I say against her neck and goosebumps rise on her arms. We stay there and I feel calmer than before.

She leans back but keeps her head resting on me. I smile so that she can't see it. The causal touches are so confusing. They make my stomach flutter and give me a grin I can't wipe off, but they don't mean anything. We are just friends.

I shouldn't have butterflies. I never have before. Now, when all she has done is hug me, I have butterflies beating around like they're bursting to escape.

I can't keep doing this. She's magnetic, and I am not strong enough to pull away, then she pushes you back when you approach the wrong way.

She stands up and grabs a handful of sweets, a game in mind.

"Open your mouth." She grins, showing me the jelly sweets in her palm.

I smirk and open it.

She throws one, it hits me right next to my mouth and falls down. I am about to pick it up off the chair when she steals it and puts it in her mouth.

"Hey-"

She throws another, missing by a mile and hitting me on the nose, and we laugh, fighting over them like animals. It was probably ten sweets later, including one that didn't even make it to me, that she actually got it in. We cheered wildly and I picked her up and spun her around. I put her down in front of me.

She stood right in front of me, so close I could smell her shampoo. She smiled a little, suddenly quiet.

"Thanks." Her voice is quiet and vulnerable like she suddenly remembered something she didn't want to.

"What for?" I ask.

"For everything." I look at her in confusion. She shakes her head dismissively.

It annoys me when she does that. If she has said it out loud it is definitely important enough to warrant an explanation. One thing I have learnt about her is never to expect anything other people would do; she will likely do the opposite.

"You should probably get to bed." She says, showing me the time. It is a little past one in the morning. I nod and she walks me to the door ad watches me go. Then she shuts the door and all the lights go off.