Chase & Adrienne

12

ADRIENNE

THURSDAY AFTERNOON

I'm on edge all morning because of my fight with Chase, and I just can't find any solace. I can't remember the last time we said such awful things to each other and actually meant them. The morning is characterized by leg twitches and thumb twiddles as I try to work out the nerves assaulting my senses. 

By lunch, I'm bordering on paranoia. I can't find Chase anywhere, something that I don't realize completely terrifies me until now. I don't dare sit at the usual table. A minute after I sit down next to Luke, he mutters something about needing to finish homework. Before I can assess the validity of this claim, he's gone. After an artificially timed waiting period, I get up to leave, wanting nothing to do with any of the other people at the table. I can vouch for Luke. His friends? Not so much. 

As I begin to rise, Penny grabs my wrist, pulling me back down in my seat. I resist the urge to yank myself away from her flimsy grasp. She's a twig.  

"So. We're all dying to know. Have you kissed him yet?" Her directness overwhelms me for a second, and all I can do is sit there for a second, silent. 

"What...do you mean?" I stammer. 

Shania laughs from the other side of Courtney. Penny joins in. 

"I mean, have you kissed Luke yet?" Penny asks, again answered by silence. A look of horror splashes across her face. "Oh my gosh, you're not with Chase, right?!"

"No," I finally answer, shaking my head for emphasis. Hearing his name brings about a whole new wave of confused feelings. I try to calm the waves by taking a deep breath. "I'm not with Chase. Believe me."

"So you have kissed Luke? Oh my gosh. Tell us everything!" Penny chimes in. The other two girls turn toward me expectantly. Even Todd, Joe, and Mateo glance at me from the other side of the table. 

"We haven't kissed yet, guys," I admit. Immediately, I feel the energy completely drain out of the table. The disappointment that takes its place thickens in the air. 

"That doesn't sound like the Luke I know," Todd says in a gruff voice. "I mean, the way he brought you over here to sit with us. I thought you guys were already doing it at this point."

"He's not even my boyfriend," I say, shocked. 

"So?" Todd refocuses on his lunch. He's the only one at the table eating. He's on the wrestling team, and he's been complaining all week about making weight. 

"Well," Shania whispers to me, "Lemme know when it does happen. And if he doesn't try to grab anything, it means he doesn't actually like you." I hear the edge in her voice. I look at her to get a better read of the history that she's hinting at, but she averts her eyes from mine in a second. 

Before anyone else can ask anymore pressing questions, the girls get up from the table. The guys follow after them like puppies, only Todd lagging behind to shovel one last bite into his mouth. A hunk of mashed potatoes slips off of his fork and lands on the table. He doesn't clean it. As they file out of the lunch room, I linger at the table, thankful for the solitude. The cafeteria bustles around me, but I feel frozen in my own little bubble. 

This feeling of contentment being with myself is short-lived as the high school-taught dread of aloneness settles over me. My eyes scan the room automatically, looking for a familiar face. I look over at my old table. Chase is missing, but everyone else is there. With heavy footsteps, I shuffle over to them. 

When I get within earshot of the table, all conversation stops immediately. Carmen and Renee glare at me, and Andre and Danny follow suit obediently.

"Is it cool if I sit with you guys?"

Andre says, "Yeah, I guess," at the same time Carmen says, "Where's fuckboy Luke?"

Renee steps in. "What Carmen meant to say is yes. Sit down, Ade."

"To answer your question," I say to Carmen, taking a seat next to the guys because they seem a little more receptive to me, "Luke ditched me for the period."

"So we're, like, your backup. Good to know," Carmen says, glaring straight at me. 

"Will you give it a rest, Carmen?" Danny speaks up. I give him a small smile for defending me, but he doesn't return it. Instead, he turns his attention back to his food. 

"Fine. If we aren't your backup, then why're you here, Adrienne?" Carmen asks. Everyone at the table turns to stare at me. I swallow. 

"I'm here," I start slowly, "because I miss you guys, and I'm tired of everything being so weird."

"We're tired of it, too," Renee says. "We just don't get why you chose Luke over us. Over Chase. How could you do that?"

"I didn't choose him over you guys," I answer.

"Then where the hell have you been??" Carmen demands. Renee goes to work again trying to calm her down. 

"Look, Adrienne," Andre says. "I'm gonna be straight with you. We don't care if you date Luke. In theory, you can hook up with whoever the hell you want. That being said, Chase hates Luke, and you know that. You know that, and you date him anyway. AND THEN you have the audacity to get pissed at Chase for being pissed about that. We're not mad about Luke. We're mad about what you're doing to Chase. That kid would do anything for you, and it's honestly pretty shocking that this is how you're choosing to repay him. Homie doesn't deserve that."

Andre has always been the quiet one, and this bold declaration leaves a hush over the table. I blink a couple of times to process his words. He's right, and I hate that he's right. Was I with Luke just to prove a point? Was I trying to show the world that I could survive without Chase? I find my answer. I can't. 

"You're right, Andre," I confess. "You're right."

And I know what I have to do. I have to break things off with Luke before it's too late.