The Falling Out Girl

That Feeling When He's Near

That night I didn't sleep a wink, all I could think about was that kiss on my cheek and the feeling I have.

"Damnit why can't I figure this out? Do other people have this much trouble with their emotions? The guys seem to have it together, why don't I? Maybe I'm just to different?" I thought to myself.

It was 4 in the morning and everyone was asleep, well almost. Patrick was still up because I could see a faint glow coming from his laptop shined through his bunk. Then I thought back to what Dallon said a couple of nights ago, about how I should talk to someone. Even though that was when Joe was still mad, maybe he was right. I mean the only one I talk to about personal stuff is Andy. Unfortunately he was asleep and I know never to wake a sleeping bear or they'll rip off your face. I'm just gonna have to suck it up and talk to Patrick, this problem is to damn important to wait until morning; at least in my mind. I swallowed every once of fear in my body and said fuck it and walked over to Patrick's bunk.

"Hey Patrick can I talk to you?" I asked.

"Sure come on up," he schooched over as much as possible to give me some room.

I climbed up barely fitting onto his bunk. 

"So what's up?" He asked.

"Well I don't really know how to explain. I'm sorry I don't talk about personal things," I said.

"It's okay," he adjusted his glasses, "what does it have to deal with?" 

"It's an emotional thing," I explained.

"I'll try my best, tell me about it," he said.

"Well I have this... feeling when I'm around... someone that I've never felt before," I explained

"Is this feeling a good feeling?" Patrick asked.

I nodded, "yeah I guess, but it doesn't feel right." 

"What do you mean?" He questioned. 

"I feel happy however, it doesn't feel right. I never felt a complicated emotion before, the ones I've felt were ones related to pain honestly," I frowned.

Patrick frowned and wrapped his arm around me for comfort, "I'm sorry, Emma I wish we could have met years sooner, then you wouldn't have experienced so much hurt." 

I hugged his side, "How do you keep it all together?" 

"I don't have it all together. No one does that's why were human. If we did have it all together well then we wouldn't learn critical lessons in life," He explained, "I know you did have a great life, but you have an amazing one now, and you didn't give up. You kept it together all those years and now you're stronger for that Emma."

"I'm not that strong," I frowned.

"You're very strong," Patrick smiled, "don't ever forget that." 

"Thanks Patrick," I smiled.

"You're welcome, Emma," He smiled back, "Holy smokes, Its 4:30! I gotta get some sleep." 

"Okay," I said and let go of him to get down.

"Where are you going?" Patrick asked.

"Huh? Back to bed," I pointed to the couch.

"That couch isn't very comfortable. Here sleep up here next to me." He said.

"No its okay I'm fine sleeping on the couch," I smiled.

"Em, I won't stop bugging you until you get up here," Patrick grinned 

I sighed, "Alright." 

He was right that couch wasn't very comfy but I really didn't want to sleep beside him. The only other person that I've slept next to was Joe if I sleep next to Patrick it'll be to weird. Unfortunately I had no choice, Patrick was persistent and he can stay awake forever. I thought how I could make this sleeping arrangement less awkward as I made my way back up to his bunk. Once I was up I soon relized that I can just sleep on the other end. Hopefully I don't get kicked in the face by him and that my feet don't smell. bad. 

"Good night," I said quickly laying my head down. 

I could feel a vibe of disapointment, slight rejection, and pure awkwardness coming from Patrick I didn't want him to feel disapointed nor did I want to make things awkward.

"Ah, Em?" He asked.

"Hm?" I answered keeping my head down.

"Could you sleep over here please? This is kinda awkward," He said.

Damn awkwardness, the one thing I try to prevent. I really didn't want to but I don't want to make things awkward (as if they weren't already). So what choice do I have? If I say no or leave Patrick might be mad and after Troman's bad mood I didn't want anything like that to happen again. So I noblely crawled over to his side and layed down next to him.

"Now that's better," He smiled.

Patrick wrapped his arm around me and snuggled close. He isn't as comfy as Joe, Patrick was smaller and his arm felt more boney. 

"Night Em," Patrick said.

"Night," I replied awkwardly.

"I can't sleep like this. I had to get out of here but I don't want to make Patrick feel bad. Wait! He sleeps till 3 in the afternoon I'll be up way before then, I'll just wait untill he's fully asleep, sneak out and go back to the couch. He'll never know," I thought to myself.

I think this is what Andy met by joining the dark side. My plan was kinda evil but I have to it's just not right sleeping next to him. It didn't take long for Patrick to fall asleep maybe 5 minutes I waited. I procced as planed and slowly but carefully released his arm and climed down from his bed. I was home free but then I felt a hand grab my arm.