I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt, the way you tasted
And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine
"I'm sorry Tony, I just can't do this anymore..."
Tony kept playing those words over and over in his head. What did he do wrong? Yeah, he knows he can be a handful but was it that bad?
Tony sat at the bar drinking shot after shot. He can't help but let his mind wonder, just a few days ago he was with the love of his life.
Needless to say, he hasn't actually been sober in days. It's just easier to be wasted. To not feel.
Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?
When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?
Tony has drunk called and texted Steve so many times. He never answers. Steve was his rock, his rock left him. He was so utterly alone.
Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
'Cause I'm not fine at all
Clint, Nat, Bruce, even Thor; they've all tried to get Tony sober and out the house. It never works. It's been weeks now.
"I don't know what to do," He hears Nat from his room, where he's shut himself into. "He never leaves his room and when he does he goes straight for the bar and we can't even take his alcohol, he has bottles hidden everywhere." She complains to someone.
He sighs. He doesn't want this. He just wanted his Steve back.
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape
'Cause I'm not fine at all
He knows he's pathetic for reading all they're old texts, and for basically stalking Steve's social media. He can't help it.
The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone
I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone
And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around
"Maybe we can get Steve to talk to him. He'll listen to Steve." Clint's voice comes through, he must be who Nat's talking to.
Tony lets a tear run down his cheek. He hasn't actually heard his name spoken aloud for a while.
"I've tried. He doesn't want to talk to Tony at all. He wouldn't even listen to how bad this has gotten..." Nat shoots Clint down.
Tony grabs a new bottle of Whiskey, trying to cry silently.
It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long
Scrolling through Steve's social media was a bad idea. He's deleted anything and everything to do with them dating. All his new pictures... He looks.... Happy. Tony feels like a shitty person for how much that hurts him. Did Tony mean that little to him?
It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
'Cause I'm not fine at all
Tony throws his phone on his bed. He's still sitting on the floor drinking. He cried for who knows how long, drinking his sorrows away. Just like his dad did.
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape
Tony drank until the bottle was gone, drowning everything else out. Becoming blissfully numb. He finally fell asleep, right there on the floor.
If today I woke up with you right beside me
Like all of this was just some twisted dream
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before
And you'd never slip away
And you'd never hear me say
He had a good dream. It was him and Steve. Together and happy. They were cuddling on the sofa watching a movie and joking around. It was perfect. Until Steve suddenly stood up, yelling at Tony about how shitty he is. It turned into a nightmare real quick.
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape
He woke up crying. Time to restart the day. He grabs another bottle, opening it and chugging. His new morning routine.
Once the bottle is gone Tony stumbles out of his room to grab another bottle. This is his life now. He truly was pathetic. But that thought only made him break the seal to the new bottle that much quicker.
'Cause I'm not fine at all
No, I'm really not fine at all
Tell me this is just a dream
'Cause I'm really not fine at all
