Myself- A Broken Creation

Chapter 3: Xander's P.O.V.

I woke up with a slight scream. Another nightmare had accosted me. I was in a panic, terrified to feel a heavy male body on top of mine. I know that I wasn't thinking logically, but I really didn't care at that point in time.

The man's warm skin made me feel scorching hot, which confused me. I felt him stir and frantically tried to move his large frame off of my small one. I was so frightened that I felt like crying. What was wrong with me? I was never this emotional! I desperately attempted to untangle our limbs.

What if it was Ryan? What if he had found me again? I would kill myself if that happened. I could never go through that torture again. I squirmed underneath his large body and attempted to throw his heavy limbs off me. I let out a cry of pure frustration. I have to get out of here!

I suddenly realized that the man on top of me could be Ryan and my throat closed up. I couldn't breathe and saw swirling colors. It felt like someone had filled my stomach with liquid fire.

I felt the man raise himself off me slightly, but then he trapped me within his arms, just like Ryan used to do. I took gasping breaths as my eyes searched the room for a possible escape. I found none. I sobbed as the man brushed my hair out of my eyes and I flinched in expectation of being hit.

Ryan always hit me when I was scared. It didn't seem like it was Ryan from his actions, but all I could see was Ryan's face in my mind. I wanted to curl up in a little ball and cry. He looked at me with an angry expression and and said something, but I didn't hear it. All I heard was the ocean roaring through my ears. I harshly bit my lip with my heart in my throat. Would Ryan kill me this time?

White filled my vision and I prayed for someone to come save me, even though I knew it wouldn't happen. My body became stiff and I could almost feel the blood draining from my face. I couldn't breathe! My throat was like a desert. It was so dry! Crimson infiltrated my vision. I desperately grabbed at my neck.

Air suddenly rushed to my head and I saw tiny dots of black. I followed the black circles with my grey, limited vision. I felt drunk, like I was floating on air. The man said something else, but I still didn't hear him.

An iceberg enclosed me in coldness and I uncontrollably trembled. All my feeling just stopped. I was suspended in another world, where I was unable to feel or see or hear. My body finally fell through the emptiness.

My body tingled as I fell back to Earth again. I had never felt so hurt. Something started swiftly thumping in my chest and beating against the inside of my body like a drum, squeezing my chest, and I gasped at the fierce pain. I saw stars as whatever was squeezing my body finally let go. I barely managed to avoid fainting.

My arms and legs were utterly numb. I flinched as the man came closer and looked at my wide eyes. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't move my arms or legs. I was completely vulnerable. A tear slipped down my cheek because I was sure that Ryan was going to rape me again. I squeezed my eyes shut, but suddenly received a horrendous headache. Someone was tapping on my head with a sledgehammer and I sobbed at the pain, more tears spilling down my face.

I heard a concerned voice, which didn't make any sense. Ryan was going to hurt me, right? I took an agonizing swallow in an attempt to clear my senses. I looked around the shimmering room the best that I could. The white ceiling blurred into jade walls and indigo picture frames. Objects swirled together in a frenzy. Everything became brighter, as if I was staring directly into the sun. I blinked rapidly; the light hurt my eyes. I heard the concerned voice say something, but the words never reached my ears.

My eyes fluttered shut again and someone pulled the blanket off of me. Anxiety filled my veins as the deep voice cursed, but I suddenly recognized that voice. It was the man's voice from the gas station! I had just had another panic attack and completely humiliated myself in front of the one person who had ever made me feel like I was a good person. More tears rolled down my cheek as I waited for him to take his leave. Before I could hear the door slip shut after him, I fell into an exhausted sleep. I was sure to have another terrifying nightmare of Ryan.