RESET | saeyoung choi

iii [Zen]

Day Five - Eleven

You are starting to fall for Zen.

Seven notices it; Jaehee notices it; Jumin notices it; Yoosung notices it. Hell, even Zen notices it, and he's starting to fall for you too. If it wasn't for his ankle, he probably would've forced Seven to tell you the location of the apartment, so he can confess his love for you in person.

So you visit him instead.

Seven starts to wonder. If he was sick would you nurse him back to health? If he asked, would you meet him in person? He guesses that the answer would be no; especially since you like Zen. It hurts, but it is the truth. You no longer think of Seven in that way.

He is broken. He thought he would be okay, but now he sees how much you are starting to care for Zen. He wishes he could be in Zen's place. But, although it hurts, if he makes you happy, he's happy for you.

That's what he keeps telling himself. Knowing you're okay, it's what keeps him sane.

As long as you're happy, he will endure this heartache.

So, as you're giving Zen all your love, he's giving himself to his work. He realizes he can't be sad over you forever, and that life goes on.

But, you are constantly in his thoughts. He knows that you are no longer his and tells himself to get the hell over it already, but he can't. "Life goes on," he repeats to himself. "She is gone, and it's okay. She's gone....It's okay. You're okay."

You're gone. It's not okay. He's not okay.

"Dammit- Saeyoung! It's okay. She's happy, you're happy. Stop fucking crying, you baby," he scolds himself. He hasn't called himself Saeyoung since you've forgotten. He doesn't know why he would say it now. Maybe he realizes how desperately he wants to be called that once again; but it coming from his mouth is not the same. He needs you to say his name- his real name. He wants to remember the sound coming off your lips; he wants to remember the feeling of being Saeyoung not Luciel or Seven. He wants to be Saeyoung.

But Saeyoung doesn't exist without you. ( saeYOUng OK SORRY I JUST HAD TO SAY IT))

-

At first, he denies Zen's request to go to Rika's apartment. Seven doesn't know if its because he's just keeping the secret for V's sake or if he's jealous and irritated that Zen is off playing the knight in shining armor.

But then, he realizes just how in trouble you are. He remembers when he visited you, and stayed there, when you were together. He remembers how dangerous it was and how much you needed him there. It only makes sense that Zen would go. Seven wishes he could go in his place, of course, but he understands it wouldn't be appropriate; especially since he's in love with you.

Zen ends up saving you, and Seven is disappointed. He's disappointed in himself for even hesitating with sending Zen there. He is relieved you're okay, but hates himself for putting you in that situation. You were almost kidnapped, and he needed Zen to knock some sense into him. He is ashamed.

No matter what, he places the blame on himself. It was him who placed the bomb in the apartment; it was him who abandoned Saeran; it was him who was so blinded by his jealousy that he almost didn't give Zen the address; it was him who let you go.

It was all his fault.

And he can't fix it because, before he knew it, you were completely in love with Zen and he with you. He even gave you a little speech, declaring his love for you to the whole world. And it was honestly, really beautiful and touching, and it makes Seven realize how much he failed to cherish you and love you. Maybe that's why time went backwards; he never deserved you.

You helped Zen with his family problems, and reassured him of how talented he is. You loved him for more than just his looks, and Seven can't help but fall for you more. You have such a kind heart. And his is an absolute mess. You are too good for him.

Even when you were faced with a problem -like Echo Girl trying to steal your man, ruin Zen's career, and so on- you were never negative and always tried to find a solution. You stayed by Zen's side. You loved him, and he loved you. You supported each other.

You supported Seven at the time you were together as well, but what he realizes is that it didn't matter whether you were in love with him or not, you would still support him and help him just like Zen or the other RFA members.

But he doesn't bother. If anything, he reveals even less about himself.

But it wasn't long before you forgot everything all over again. Maybe this time he will finally get you back, maybe not. Because no matter how much he is hurting, you're safer without him.

Or at least, that's what he tells himself.