RESET | saeyoung choi

xv

so I'm going on an about two week long vacation ((with no wifi)) so I won't be able to post :// ill still write while I'm gone though and will be able to update more after I come back:))

Day Fourteen

Third mistake tonight was you calling Seven after you had left.

Why you did it in the first place was a mystery to you. You basically ran away from him a few hours ago, and now you're calling him? You know this isn't a good idea. You just fought -was it a fight?- with Jumin, and you're emotional. Talking to Seven can't possibly end well.

That doesn't stop you.

But he doesn't answer.

You call again.

No answer.

You call again and again and again, but he still isn't answering. He always answers, so you're left confused and worried.

But then you remember that you shouldn't care, and that his whole world doesn't revolve around you. Sometimes, he's not going to answer, and you have to accept that.

Oh, how wrong you are.

You end up calling him ten times, each time going to his voicemail. Why am I still doing this? you wonder. You shouldn't be searching for comfort from someone who's not you're boyfriend. But Seven is different, you tell yourself, but that's just an excuse.

The longer he doesn't answer, the more you're aware of your feelings.

God, why am I so stupid? You just had an argument with Jumin, your boyfriend, and you're being clingy with another man and thinking about another man? Does this count as cheating?

But, you also don't want to hurt Jumin.

You genuinely do love him. The way he would constantly be playing with his sleeve, the way his hair isn't always neat, the way he loved you and opened up to you. His little habits and his possessive personality, you love it all. The way that despite you constantly telling him that he doesn't need to spend money on you, he continues to because he saw something that reminded him of you or he pictured you wearing it.

But why isn't it enough? Why isn't his love enough?

Returning to Rika's apartment was odd for you. The past two weeks you have basically lived at Jumin's, and coming back here was...uncomfortable.

Has your love for him really disappeared? Four days ago, you would do anything for him, and you loved him with all of your heart. What changed?

Seven changed, you notice. After the party, Seven seemed more upset than usual, and somehow, it intrigued you. The way he acted towards you, looking back at it, was different from everyone else. You just never noticed.

In the beginning, Luciel didn't participate in many chat rooms -or at least not while you were there. You felt as if he was ignoring you, but that's impossible. You never met him before, right?

But, then he told you the story and unknowingly confessed his love to you. You had amnesia? Is that why he has avoided you, allowing you to fall for Jumin?

You realize now that if he had more conversations with you from the start, it would have been him you fell for. If he actually tried, you would be with him, at this very moment.

It was always him. You realize that now.

You can't help but feel irritated. If he tried instead of pushing you away, you wouldn't be in this mess. You would be living happily ever after -so you think- and without the Jumin problem.

God, so he's a problem now? You feel like such a bitch. Am I a bitch? For once loving Jumin as now Luciel? For thinking of Jumin as an obstacle in the way of me being with Seven?

You then feel like crap. What are you even doing? You can't possibly love Seven instead of Jumin. You just can't. You wish you could take it back because hurting Jumin, in your opinion, would be the absolute worst thing you could do.

But, you're no longer in denial. Thinking back to yesterday when Seven comforted you, your heartbeat goes up. Thinking back to Jumin, there's nothing. It's harsh, but true.

Maybe what you feel towards Jumin isn't a romantic love.

But, he just lost his cat and is probably feeling insecure about your feelings already because of Seven. It would break him. You can't do that to him.

Is Seven broken as well? If you truly did have amnesia, then he must have been watching you this whole time loving someone other than him. Is he in a lot of pain?

Knowing that you're the cause of his hypothetical pain is enough to make you go insane. You never want to hurt Seven, but you realize that you already might have.

Maybe acknowledging and acting on his and your feelings would make things worse. Maybe you're meant to be with Jumin.

You don't want to believe that. So, after calling Seven multiple times with no answer, you finally figured out your feelings. That is the third mistake.