I'm Not Crazy

~O~ Less Than Zero

So let me see if I can remember me as I was before all the insanity started?

There is nothing different about me to see, I am probably as plain as plain can be. I do not stand out to others, one way or another. I am not pretty, or exotic, nor unique in any obvious way. I have no beauty marks, birthmarks, or visible scars ...save for the ones I keep safely hidden in my heart. I am pretty much just your standard gurl girl, and there are a million more just like me in every town everywhere.

On the outside, there is nothing special about me at all. I am the epitome of average in every way, shape, and form. I am not too tall, nor too short, not supermodel skinny, but far from fat. At best, I guess you might call me"healthy'ish" ...but with an emphasis on the 'ish'.

My facial features are freakishly familiar. So most people think they know someone somewhere, who almost looks just like me. My skin is relatively smooth, with a slightly pale pink hue. Save for an occasionly reoccurring blackhead pimple that blooms next to my nose every once in a while. I think that this fatal flaw comes in every so often  just to remind me to wash my face three times a day, and always before bed. Thankfully my glaring imperfection stays safely hidden by blending in with the light dusting of freckles across my cheeks and nose.

My nose itself is not cute like a bunny button, nor hawkishly big. It merely sits there squarely on my face, slightly straight with its imperceptible uneven air holes. Which serves to separate my eyes from "looking at each other wrong".

My eyes are slightly sullen, so no one would ever describe them as bright, sparkling, scintillating or soulful. They are color of soulless green grass on a grey day. Which is to say they are dull green shale in the sunlight, and cold kohl in a shallow shade. The best thing I can say about them is that they work without glasses, so far?

Conversely, my smile is not bright or sunny, only slightly warm on a winter day. My top teeth are a slightly off pearlescent pale, pretty straight and even. But my bottom teeth are slightly crooked to the right, with a slightly suggestive overbite. I am supposed to wear a retainer when I sleep at night to correct that suggestion, which I even pretend to do ...sometimes?

My shoulder-length hair is on the lighter side of light of brown. So no one would ever consider me or my hair "a fun shade of blonde" ...dirty or otherwise. Because just like me, my hair doesn't do anything fun or cool, and has no body to speak of. On the upside, it will lay down almost straight most of the time. I say almost straight, because of a slight wave just behind my ears that I can't seem to comb out completely, no matter how hard I try.

I normally wear my hair down in my face. But if need be, it can easily be pulled up into a medium length ponytail, to thread through the back of my Bad Hair Day hat. I have that every girl everywhere "Home Hair by Mom" straight scissor-cut style across the shoulders ...with no bangs ever.

I hold an unproven theory that bangs give boys the wrong impression. That they were first invented by girls who are ready, willing and able to do obscene things on first dates. And who finally just got too tired of holding their own hair out of their mouths, while working hard on making a good first impression.

"She walks in beauty like the midnight moonlight." ...said no one about me ever. To date, the nicest compliment I've ever been given on my appearance was related to a dress I once wore, but no more. As in: "Don't you look pretty in that dress?" But I wasn't pretty, the little black dress was.

This particular compliment was given to me by my mother just before my father's funeral. So after that day, I stopped wearing dresses altogether just on principle. So now I keep my standard dress code pretty simple.