I'm Not Crazy

~43~ The Right/Wrong Impression.

I'm a firestarter, twisted firestarter
I'm the trouble starter, punkin' instigator
I'm the self inflicted, mind detonator
Yeah! I'm the one infected, twisted animator
I'm the fear addicted, danger illustrated
Yeah! I'm the pain you tasted, fell intoxicated
I'm a firestarter, twisted firestarter starter

Firestarter ~ The Prodigy

😈😈😈

The next, next morning I am up at the buttcrack of dawn. Where I am all kinds of concerned about how today is gonna play out. So when I am anxious I tend to fall into old habits ...namely I get on the universal answering machine looking for answers. So I start my morning by looking up everything I can that will tell me what I need to know about football.

Unfortunately for me, it turns out the informational overload is not very helpful at all. But surprisingly very little on the porn side of suggestions. So after my mother and Buddy are up and gone to work I do the next best thing and head downstairs to do something about breakfast. After all, everyone still has to eat, right?

After looking over the contents in the refrigerator, I decide to go super healthy high protein. An all egg white omelet, with string cheese, fresh tomato, and topped with a pesto puree sauce. I know this is probably not the manliest football morning meal possible. But if we are going to do this thing, I want my monster lean and mean ...and hungry for blood. After we get through this "right/wrong" tryout thing he can eat a hundred chorizo tacos of death to his hearts content, if that's what he wants. But first things first ...time to get the pain party started.

ME: Rise and shine B! Breakfast is ready when you are! 🌞🌞🌞

B: K. Let me feed dogs first.

So with my monster taken care of and soon on his way down to the Madhouse for his morning meal, I move on to the next lunatic. I consider waking Stevie, but ultimately decide just to let him sleep through the sports stuff, that I know he could care less about. So all that's left to do is deal with possibly the worst human being in the waking world before noon.

ME: Rise and burn asshole, it's another banner day in Hell! Breakfast in fifteen.🔥🔥🔥

THE DEVIL: Did you get the Fuck Up ...up yet? 😈

ME: Yeah. And don't call him that ...U stupid slut! Or I will let him beat the screams out of you. 💀💀💀

THE DEVIL: Shit ...I think I actually liked you better when you were broken. 😈😈😈

ME: Meh ...the voices in my head don't like you either Stupid Slut. What did you say Cindy? Set fire to Tommy's room next time we're sure Jinni isn't hiding dead flowers in the attic? Mmmm ...okay🔥🔥🔥

JINNI: That's my Crazy Gurl! But you should probably start eating without us ...we need to work up an appetite first. Ke Ke Ke 😍😍😍

So of course, me and B ended up eating omelets by ourselves outside on the shady shit-talking porch. While I can only assume Tommy and Jinni are finishing up their all-important morning Sex O'clock meeting. After Tommy and Jinni finally get dressed enough and descend down from the attic into the sunlight, they both look like they could use some protein.

Jinny immediately heads for the coffee maker and starts slurping black bliss like a true addict of the dark mistress that is caffeine. Tommy takes one look at healthy breakfast and pushes it off towards Jinni, who is only too happy to consume both omelets. Which is cool with me ...only I just hope she isn't eating for two. I need another antichrist in the Madhouse like I need a bullet hole in my head.