I'm Not Crazy

~28~ In the Aftermath of an Almost Attempted Murder.

I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my system blow!
I'm radioactive...
Radioactive...

Imagine Dragons ~ Radioactive

💀💀💀

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see shadows of movement outside the bay windows facing the front porch of the house. So I'm guessing that either Stevie or Connie, has been watching us the entire time through the crack in the curtains. Probably to make sure that I am still alive, but at the moment I really could kind of care less.

I slowly roll myself up and pull my leg under me, to sit facing down at Billy. He still has that empty look in his eye. Not the murdery look but the other one, with that profound soulful sadness. So I say the only thing I can think of to say under the circumstances.

"I have to do something about getting dinner going. So you should probably go wash the blood off your hands with the ant head hose or something? Then go tend to your dogs or whatever you need to do?" I hesitantly add the afterthought. "If you don't want to come back in for dinner, I'll bring something out to you later, okay?"

"Mmmm," he merely rumbles hollowly. Which I take to mean, "Okay, sounds great, thank you so much for thinking of me."

Without uttering another word, Billy rises up and stomps out through the sliding doors. Disappearing back out into the wilderness beyond, as if the last hours haven't happened. And if I didn't know any better, I would have been hurt that he just blew me off without the slightest hesitation.

But sadly I do know better now, Billy doesn't just blow stuff off. He's like me, in that he internalizes everything. Where it waits inside him like lightning in a bottle, until the rage comes and it breaks free. Then like a hurricane, the rage rips him away and hurls him at whatever the next thing to hate is ...whether it be man or beast.

But like the Buddhists say, as one door closes another one opens a little wider. So as soon as Billy is gone, Connie is the first of the Crazies to muscle his way through the front door. Stevie flows in behind the massive goon, flicking a quick grin over at me. Then starts up the stairs, presumably towards the bathroom to freshen up. Followed by Tommy, who staggers in like the walking dead with Jinni clutching on him. All the while, holding one of those blue chemical ice packs to the right side of his face.

Truth be told, after all the hits Tommy took to the head, I am actually amazed that he is still somewhat steady on his feet. Predictably Tommy collapses into one of the dining table chairs and groans "Beer me" at Jinni. I can honestly say that I respect Jinni a little more now for standing by her man, instead of running out with the rest of the bitches after all hell broke loose.

"You okay, Sammi?" Connie towers down over me offering me his hand.

"No, not really, but I'll live." I let Connie pull me up to my feet like a little ballerina princess.

Truth is that I feel completely spent, like I've been running a race. Instead of just taking an afternoon siesta on the floor with a homicidal maniac. My entire body is achy everywhere from laying on the hardwood floor for far too long. And I am sofa king tired right now all I want to do is crawl upstairs into my bed, curl up and just die. But I know I have to keep going, or crazy train is gonna run right off the rails again. So, for now, I have to handle. Because I desperately need my new crazy family to not fall apart on me just yet.

I also know a little of something of command under fire from my father, "Lead follow or get the hell out of the way". That the one person that keeps their cool when the shit hits the fan is always going to be the leader. The rest of the combatants will naturally follow their orders. So the first order of business is to clean up the crime scene, then figure out how to feed the troops, for the next battle in the war on sanity.