For the first time.

sixteen

I woke up disorientated, i had no idea where i was but when i looked down to see that James's arms were clasped around my waist the memories where coming back. I kissed james on the forhead and quickly got changed into the clothes i wore yesterday, wrote a little note and left his house, to walk back to mine. I needed air and lots of it i felt like i was some kind of slut, and that james was just using me. When soon, i realised that i was crying with the horrible thoughts entering my head, i began to run home as i didnt want anyone to see my in the state i was in but there was little chance anyone would see me its around 6;00 in the morning. I soon found myself out of breath and continued to walk home, the pain was building up inside of me, emotional pain i didnt know what to do, except let the stray tears run down my face. I felt as though i was getting know where until i found the street i lived on, thank god i couldnt hold in all this pain much longer.

When i finally got in all i remember is me jumping on my bed and crying, crying alot. I dont know why i felt so much emotional pain, he hadnt hurt me...but i suppose i was an extremley emotional person and was hurt so easily.The scars on my wrists, that know one noticed could just about explain how much pain i had suffered, theyd just beagan to heal. I'd stopped cutting a year ago and as a day passes it gets harder to avoid my profound hobby. The reasons to why i started to cut, know one will ever no.

I couldnt help, but the demons in side my head were telling me to. It was like they killed all the good that once exsisted in my head. I found a sharp blade, sat in my bath fully clothed alowing the shower to drench me in the cool water and before i knew it i had slashed my wrists a further 5 times, and was bleeding considerably, i just left it and carried on listing to the demons. I'd finally stoped and hugged my knees so tightly in hope i wouldnt be able to feel the pain i was experiecing, i cried so much because noone would notice and no one would care.  And mostly no one would want a girl who cuts.

*james's pov*

I'd woke up feeling cold, and a sense of loneliness i felt small in my large bed, my eyes darted open when i couldnt feel the girl i loved. I panicked a bit questions running through my head 'was tonight to much for her?' 'i hope she knows i love her' and alot more. I quickly reached to the piece of paper on the pillow of where her head was 

James,

Ive just gone back to my place, to get cleaned up for school!

lucy.

No kisses, no loveyous, no nothing. I quickly got up and and got changed, something was obvisouly up. I jumped into the car and drove like a mad man to her house. It was locked, and she wasnt answering, I searched for the spare key it was under the plant plot, i unlocked the barrier and ran up the stairs. I headed to the place in which i could hear noise, it was the shower. I ran there quickly and was greeted with a ball of hair, blood, and water. I didnt know what to do, she looked up with red cheeks and pain clearly controlling her face. I ran over to her and she quickly placed her head in the place it was previously, i didnt bother to talk because i knew that wouldnt help, i just got into the baths with her and let the water drench me as well as her i took one of her wrists and bought it towards my lips she looked up watching with me intreged, tears still spilling from her eyes. I sat there kissing her cuts every single of them,  i stood up still holding her hand and got her up, so we were now standing there in the bath together, i removed my top and then hers, i then went to remove her bottoms, she flinched but was so weak allowed me to carry on, i removed my jeans to so we were both just standing there in our underwear in silence i got out and reached for a towel and embraced her into it. I picked her up bridal style and put her on the bed, i layed down next to her and hugged her while she was crying, i wasnt going to question her reasons, not yet anyway.

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