It seems I may be fucked up,
i think I should see a therapist
but I can't, it's not possible
because my parents are fucking stupid
and they can't even understand
what the hell goes on in my head,
not like they'd give a fuck anyway.
All they care about is grades,
me getting into a good college
and not fucking up like my brothers.
But fuck that.
I'm a fuck up and I can't help it.
Anything that I do or try,
I always fins a way to fuck it up
and then all I wanna do is fucking die
but at the moment I'm doing pretty fine
so I won't be dying anytime soon.
I still don't really know, though,
how I'm actually doing.
My life's a big fucking roller coaster,
not one of the fun one's either,
it has it's ups and downs
but I'm never really up or down.
There's actually only one time when I'm happy
and that's anytime I get to see her.
She's the light to my darkness,
the brightest star in the night sky,
the hop I still hold in the back of my mind.
Nothing could ever change that,
not even if we're apart.
I waited so long for her
and now I have her, she's all mine.
So that's what makes me happy.
But she still makes me sad
just because when she is, I am
and I don't know how to fix it,
how to make her happy.
I feel kind of useless
because I can't do anything for her
and I wish I knew all the right things to say
because that would make it all okay.
I wish I could tell her how I really feel
but I'm too scared to, I don't know why.
I'm a little obsessed with her
and that might sounds a little weird
but I am and I'm intimidated
because I do everything wrong
and I don't wanna fuck this up again
because she's everything to me.
Without her my whole world would collapse
and I would be left alone and dead
with not even a care about myself.
But enough of this thinking shit,
I think too much, it's kind of annoying.
I'm a cynical idiot who says the wrong words,
thinks the wrong thoughts and does the wrong things.
I can't help it, it's who I am
and I do believe no one else can help me either.
You can try to understand me, you'll never succeed.
Try to read my thoughts, they'll burn through your mind.
Try to find out my secrets, you'll never find what you seek.
Or ask me about my life, maybe I'll just let it unwind.
