Finding Myself

Pros and Cons

I felt a sting on my face after I heard a SMACK! I can’t believe after embarrassing me in front of Ted, throwing me out of the car, and dragging me inside my brother has yet to stop torturing me.

“Where were you?” yelled Erick

I cringed back in fear. I touched my face where he had hit me. I would be feeling all of this tomorrow and it was only the first week of school.

“I saw you by the car and…and…and there were so many people who wanted to get in your car and I-I thought I wouldn’t fit, so I left with a friend,” I stuttered. He must have seen how scared I was because he seemed to relax his shoulders a bit but he still had a hard look in his eyes.

“If you got a ride home why did you get here so late?”  Erick asked with his eyes closed.

“Because we lost track of time. Why are you mad?” I said heating up.

“It’s just…the people who came over messed up my computer, trashed the house and I had to clean it alone, and it would have been nice to have some help.” Now he was blaming me? I don’t think so.  

“I’m not the one who invited them over. I wasn’t partying and I shouldn’t have to clean up a mess that I didn’t make,” I said defending myself.

“I know but…” he didn’t finish.

I sighed. My brother was known for having quite the temper. I felt my arms start to hurt. I chuckled darkly. My arms were now bleeding, my wrists had red marks around them, and my cheek was hurting.

"It sounds like you have lots of probelms. I hope you can figure them out yourself," I spat before brushing past him to the bathroom.

I looked at my face in the mirror and sure enough I had a huge red mark in the form of a hand there. I sighed various times while checking my injuries. On my arms there were terrible scrapes that would probably take a week to heal. My wrists weren’t so red anymore, but that didn’t make me feel happy. I grabbed a towel and soaked it in hot water. I applied a little bit of pressure on the towel touching my skin and was rewarded with a feeling of a thousand knives stabbing me repeatedly.  I ended my little treatment with some bandages.

After playing nurse to my own wounds I went to the kitchen eager for some energy. I decided that making tacos was going to have to be it for tonight. 

I could hear Erick grumbling and the sounds of trash bags. I observed the kitchen in distaste. There was an unhelthy amount of beer cans littered on the floor and on the counters. Many plastic red cups were squashed on the floor. The trashcan was overfilled with bottle car. What suspiciously looked like mustard was smeared in the wall. I was curious as to how Erick would clean that one up. 

My tacos were done cooking and demanded my attention. I was more than happy to oblige. After loading my plate with three good sized tacos, some lettuce on the side, and cream I was good to go. 

I strolled up the stairs taking in the mess in the living room. Erick still had a ways to go. Thre trashbags that were full to the brim and tied were sitting by the door. That however didn't take one's eyes off the spilled beer bottles and spilled food all over the place. 

I shrugged and continued to my room. Once inside I sat at my desk. I took my first bite of taco when my phone pinged. I finished the bite and frowned at the phone. Who would that be?

Hey, are you ok?

...um yes. Can I ask who this is?

Yeah. Sorry its Ted

I was confused and thrilled at the same time. I hadn't given Ted my phone number. Maybe he had taken my number while I was asleep. I felt starngely pleased that he would make the first move. 

That's ok. I'm fine thanks for asking

I took some more bites from my taco making sure that I lathered it in cream then topping it with lettuce.

Alrighty. That's all I wanted to know. I guess night

Night  I responded. I didn't want him to think I was too eager to have a conversation with him although I sort of was. I shook my head. I couldn't be too preoccupied with Ted. My overall mission was to be at the top of the pyramid. Ted was a distraction. 

I couldn't afford distractions this far. I was aware though that thanks to Ted's good looks, which were more than good, he was going to fit in just fine with the populars. Now that people had seen Laney with him he was going to get there even faster. 

Just remebering how Laney had her paws on him made me shiver in disgust. I shouldn't have been thinking such ugly things as I ate my tacos.

The only thing audible besides my annoying brother dragging trashbags was the crunching of my tacos. It oddly calmed me.

I certainly should give more thought about Ted. A relationship was out of the question. I didn't have time. I do want to get closer to him yet at the same time something about him seems off. The amount of attention he showed me...that was too kind for a stranger.

I couldn't deny how nice it had been to lay next to him while gazing at the sky. Our compatibility was further proved by how great we got along with each other. I mean time really did fly by with him. 

Ted was going to be difficult. I wanted him around but I knew that was wrong. By involving myself with him my goals would be hindered and I would bring unwanted attention upon him. 

With the last bite of my taco and a complicated decision I decided that I would try to distance myself from Ted which was best for the both of us...right?