take my hand - joshler

11//

going to sleep that night was hard for both tyler and josh. they were facing opposite ways and spthinking, staring into the space in josh's room. tyler was shaking, josh was almost crying. josh rolled over.

"um, ty, are you awake?"

tyler was overjoyed to hear josh's voice.

"how could i sleep?"

"well, i'm here to hug if you need me"

tyler took the offer straight away, rolling right into josh's arms. josh wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, his anxiety starting to fade away. he felt something when he was around tyler. he knew he was attracted to the boy, but it was more than that. something more, special. and, tyler felt it too.

it was, well, a bright blue feeling. a feeling where you can be yourself, and you can say anything you need to. you aren't necessarily happy, or sad. you're just fine.

"i'm sorry, josh"

"stop fucking apologising you shithead, it's unnecessary"

tyler snuggled into josh's chest, feeling a warm feeling buzz down his spine. he smiled. not even his own mother accepted him like josh did. he felt like he could do anything and josh would still love him.

and that's when the anxiety kicked in.

what if josh doesn't love me? what if he's using me? he's a footballer, why would he love me? me? a brown haired, short, ugly gay boy like me?

"josh?"

"yes, tyler?"

"d-do, um, well, do you love me?"

"of course. why wouldn't i?"

tyler went quiet for a few seconds.

"because i'm, me"

"that's the reason i love you ty, because you're you. you're not someone else, and you don't try and be someone else. you may feel worthless, possibly because you are gay, but baby i'm gay too and i just don't give a fuck"

tyler hugged josh tighter than before.

"i, i know, but i'm not like you"

"exactly! i love you because you're not like me, or ryan, or any of those stupid footballers, or anyone else. you're just you, and that's all i want"

"fuck i love you josh"

"fuck i love you tyler"

~

It was 2:30am and the boys fell asleep snuggled into each other. waking up at 1:30pm that day, they can say they got a decent sleep. breakfast was just pancakes and orange juice. then the pair had to decide what the plans for the sunny saturday were.

"well, i mean, there's so much we can do"

"i guess we could just wonder around and do jack shit" tyler chuckled.

"true though" josh smiled.

"mum, we're gonna wonder around for a bit, i love you"

"yep okay, love you too"

tyler and josh left the dun household and started walking hand in hand down the street. tyler looked at the interlocked hands and smiled. he was feeling bright blue again and he absolutely loved it.

"okay there's nothing exciting to do"

"we should go see my best friend"

"who's your best friend?" josh looked somewhat suspicious.

"oh, just ryan. we've known each other for 15 years"

"that makes sense, either way if i'm not your best friend i'm your boy friend so it's fine"

tyler cleared his throats loudly.

"wait, we're dating?"

"tyler, honey, i'm not the kinda person that fucks people i don't date"

"well, neither"

"you were a virgin before last night you can't say that" josh laughed and pulled his 'boy friend' into a hug.

'boyfriend'. tyler liked that. a lot.

"well we could always chill at the park and talk" tyler suggested.

"about?"

"anything. anything and everything ever in the universe"

"sounds good to me"

tyler leaded josh to the best park in the city. the biggest park, too. luckily, no one was there. even though it was big, it was shit. very, very shit. the swings were on the verge of falling of and bits of plastic would sometimes stick into your ass when you went down the slide.

tyler and josh sat under the tree with the richest green grass. tyler rested his head on josh's shoulder.

"josh, i actually do love you"

"tyler, i can firmly say the exact same thing back"

they chatted for ages, until it was getting late. tyler knew he had to go home. he wasn't prepared for it. he wasn't prepared for, well, his mother. his homophobic mother.